The attractiveness of submissive men

BDSM seems to bring together a host of people, some with identical interests, some similar, and others who's ideas of the lifestyle couldn't be more non compatible. This lifestyle is an interesting place with amazing diversity, but the more I experience and the more I learn about my own sexuality, the better i understand that BDSM isn't about definition. There's no real... or true definition. What's most important, is what BDSM means to you, and finding compatibility within it. I'm sure as time goes on, what this lifestyle means to me will constantly change, but i'd like to share what i've learned so far. How this lifestyle is defined by ME. It's neither right or wrong. BDSM is commonly referred to as "a lifestyle", and honestly, that has always not sat well with me by definition. Lifestyle seems to denote that the way you are living, is being done by choice. For me BDSM isn't a choice, it's part of my sexual orientation. I draw many parallels between my own sexuality, and the sexuality of a gay person. They've always known something was different about themselves, even from a very early age. For those who have experienced it, they'll tell you, that they've always known they were attracted to the same sex, and feel like from birth, their sexuality is just wired this way. This is the same way i feel, about BDSM and my own sexuality. We're just "hardwired", which has nothing to do with choice. When i first discovered the BDSM community i was naive, and thought, we were all hardwired, Dominants and subs alike. I figured the motivation for this huge congregation of kinky folk was all exactly the same, and driven by the needs of sexuality. What i've come to learn now though, is that we're not all here out of NEED driven by sexual orientation, but many are here out of WANT, driven by either opportunity or fun that comes from the extra attention and excitement this lifestyle can give. Kinky dating sites are a huge example of this. Just flipping through profiles it's easy to see that there are a few hardwired people, but the bulk of the masses seems to tell a different story. The Femdomme profiles that fish for submissive men, willing to give financial compensation (or "tributes".. i love that word) for "quality time" in return, out number lifestyle Dommes 10 to 1. Again, i'm not saying they don't have a right to be there, and that their definitions of BDSM are wrong, just that their motivation is certainly different than mine. It's no secret that mathematically, there seems to be 20 submissive to every Dominant profile. Those numbers alone can look very attractive to someone who's sexuality is vanilla, but perhaps say their physical appearance has hampered them from finding a match in the vanilla arena. So they come here pretending to be Dominant and play the fantastic odds available to them. Something about that seems entirely wrong, but far be it from me to say my views are correct for everyone. Again, i'll just say, that their motivation for being there is just not compatible with mine. I don't want to give the impression that if you're not here out of NEED, that you don't deserve to be here. There are many couples that indulge in the fun and fantasy of BDSM because it can be just that, FUN. They use the excitement of kinky play to sort of flavour their own sexual relationship with their partner, and that is great. For me though, my orientation makes my motivation different. The NEED to sate my different sexuality is constant. In fact i'm sure the need to sate anyone's sexuality is constant, regardless if it's vanilla, homosexual or otherwise. Separating fantasy from reality is sometimes tough. Finding the reality that sates my sexuality vs the fantasy that excites it can be a daunting task. Surprisingly, it's something that i think i'm constantly learning about, and i'd expect my partner will probably find the same thing. I've never put much stock into the popular idea that women are naturally the more dominant sex on this planet. I've always chuckled at the ideals of Female Supremacists. The REALITY of BDSM for me, is being able to express myself in a way that sates my sexuality. What that includes isn't entirely written in stone, however i can say that being pleasing to a woman, who needs my sexual wiring as much as i need Hers is a basic first step. It's here that i start to feel complete as a sexual being. If this basic compatibility isn't there then the relationship for me seems pointless. I guess i'm more attracted to the dynamic of a D/s relationship, rather than just the play alone. Sure play is exciting and fun, but without the dynamic, it's just not satisfying. The practical realism of this dynamic is important to me as well. It can't be something that we just pretend or role play together. Sure a little role play is fun from time to time, but the dynamic has to remain real. I've found that a good starting point for this dynamic might stem from one simple ideal in a D/s relationship. Which is, although i'm a man who doesn't mind sharing an opinion or making a request, ultimately, She will always have the final say, and i'll accept it. To trust in and yield that power to the right woman is a huge thing, which is why giving my submission to the right person is so important. If i can't feel confident and comfortable with yielding to her, regardless if i agree with her final say or not, then i'd find it hard to continue a relationship with her. I have to know in the back of my mind, that in the larger picture of things i'm a better man for her by doing what i'm told. It's only after this basic match in sexualities is apparent, that i can then focus on the more common aspects of compatibility like physical and emotional attraction or common goals and interests.
--Posted by strongnsubmissive