BDSM seems to bring together a host of people, some with identical interests, some similar, and others who's ideas of the lifestyle couldn't be more non compatible. This lifestyle is an interesting place with amazing diversity, but the more I experience and the more I learn about my own sexuality, the better i understand that BDSM isn't about definition. There's no real... or true definition. What's most important, is what BDSM means to you, and finding compatibility within it. I'm sure as time goes on, what this lifestyle means to me will constantly change, but i'd like to share what i've learned so far. How this lifestyle is defined by ME. It's neither right or wrong. BDSM is commonly referred to as "a lifestyle", and honestly, that has always not sat well with me by definition. Lifestyle seems to denote that the way you are living, is being done by choice. For me BDSM isn't a choice, it's part of my sexual orientation. I draw many parallels between my own sexuality, and the sexuality of a gay person. They've always known something was different about themselves, even from a very early age. For those who have experienced it, they'll tell you, that they've always known they were attracted to the same sex, and feel like from birth, their sexuality is just wired this way. This is the same way i feel, about BDSM and my own sexuality. We're just "hardwired", which has nothing to do with choice. When i first discovered the BDSM community i was naive, and thought, we were all hardwired, Dominants and subs alike. I figured the motivation for this huge congregation of kinky folk was all exactly the same, and driven by the needs of sexuality. What i've come to learn now though, is that we're not all here out of NEED driven by sexual orientation, but many are here out of WANT, driven by either opportunity or fun that comes from the extra attention and excitement this lifestyle can give. Kinky dating sites are a huge example of this. Just flipping through profiles it's easy to see that there are a few hardwired people, but the bulk of the masses seems to tell a different story. The Femdomme profiles that fish for submissive men, willing to give financial compensation (or "tributes".. i love that word) for "quality time" in return, out number lifestyle Dommes 10 to 1. Again, i'm not saying they don't have a right to be there, and that their definitions of BDSM are wrong, just that their motivation is certainly different than mine. It's no secret that mathematically, there seems to be 20 submissive to every Dominant profile. Those numbers alone can look very attractive to someone who's sexuality is vanilla, but perhaps say their physical appearance has hampered them from finding a match in the vanilla arena. So they come here pretending to be Dominant and play the fantastic odds available to them. Something about that seems entirely wrong, but far be it from me to say my views are correct for everyone. Again, i'll just say, that their motivation for being there is just not compatible with mine. I don't want to give the impression that if you're not here out of NEED, that you don't deserve to be here. There are many couples that indulge in the fun and fantasy of BDSM because it can be just that, FUN. They use the excitement of kinky play to sort of flavour their own sexual relationship with their partner, and that is great. For me though, my orientation makes my motivation different. The NEED to sate my different sexuality is constant. In fact i'm sure the need to sate anyone's sexuality is constant, regardless if it's vanilla, homosexual or otherwise. Separating fantasy from reality is sometimes tough. Finding the reality that sates my sexuality vs the fantasy that excites it can be a daunting task. Surprisingly, it's something that i think i'm constantly learning about, and i'd expect my partner will probably find the same thing. I've never put much stock into the popular idea that women are naturally the more dominant sex on this planet. I've always chuckled at the ideals of Female Supremacists. The REALITY of BDSM for me, is being able to express myself in a way that sates my sexuality. What that includes isn't entirely written in stone, however i can say that being pleasing to a woman, who needs my sexual wiring as much as i need Hers is a basic first step. It's here that i start to feel complete as a sexual being. If this basic compatibility isn't there then the relationship for me seems pointless. I guess i'm more attracted to the dynamic of a D/s relationship, rather than just the play alone. Sure play is exciting and fun, but without the dynamic, it's just not satisfying. The practical realism of this dynamic is important to me as well. It can't be something that we just pretend or role play together. Sure a little role play is fun from time to time, but the dynamic has to remain real. I've found that a good starting point for this dynamic might stem from one simple ideal in a D/s relationship. Which is, although i'm a man who doesn't mind sharing an opinion or making a request, ultimately, She will always have the final say, and i'll accept it. To trust in and yield that power to the right woman is a huge thing, which is why giving my submission to the right person is so important. If i can't feel confident and comfortable with yielding to her, regardless if i agree with her final say or not, then i'd find it hard to continue a relationship with her. I have to know in the back of my mind, that in the larger picture of things i'm a better man for her by doing what i'm told. It's only after this basic match in sexualities is apparent, that i can then focus on the more common aspects of compatibility like physical and emotional attraction or common goals and interests.
--Posted by strongnsubmissive
dimanche 13 décembre 2009
mardi 8 décembre 2009
mardi 15 septembre 2009
The kiss of a Lovingly Sadistic Dominatrix
How many of you submissive ones have made the mistake of trying to sneak a peck from your Mistresses lips? Of course bu mistake, on the sly or just playing. Do you not know of the price you would pay? The price is a very high one in order to be granted eve the smallest of pecks.
One Dominatrix may require you to be bound for hours on end with a catheter inserted (to keep you neat and tidy).
One Dominatrix may require you to kneel on Japanese rice paper covered with uncooked rice for at least 2 hours.
One Dominatrix may require you to receive many, many and many swats of her bamboo cane with hand spanks to follow at 15 seconds, 30 seconds and 60 seconds intervals.
One Dominatrix may require you to be prepared as a table with a food setting placed upon your back and her feet neatly placed next to it. Resting and reading something that is not of your concern.
One Dominatrix may require you to be tightly bound with rope, adorned with claps and string with a ball gag placed in your mouth while you watch her select her tool of the moment for you pain and her pleasure.
I could go on and on about the price of a Wonderfully Beautiful Lovingly Sadistic Dominatrix Kiss...
One Dominatrix may require you to be bound for hours on end with a catheter inserted (to keep you neat and tidy).
One Dominatrix may require you to kneel on Japanese rice paper covered with uncooked rice for at least 2 hours.
One Dominatrix may require you to receive many, many and many swats of her bamboo cane with hand spanks to follow at 15 seconds, 30 seconds and 60 seconds intervals.
One Dominatrix may require you to be prepared as a table with a food setting placed upon your back and her feet neatly placed next to it. Resting and reading something that is not of your concern.
One Dominatrix may require you to be tightly bound with rope, adorned with claps and string with a ball gag placed in your mouth while you watch her select her tool of the moment for you pain and her pleasure.
I could go on and on about the price of a Wonderfully Beautiful Lovingly Sadistic Dominatrix Kiss...
lundi 7 septembre 2009
vendredi 4 septembre 2009
a Beautiful Love song from a submissive man
Remember when I told you
When I told you I was truly yours
I was not fooling, I can take 50 licks from you bamboo cane
I was not faking, I can take 50 swats from your oak paddle
I was not kidding, I can take as many hand spanks as you want to give me.
I knew exactly what I was saying and I meant every word.
No matter what life takes us through it will
never change the way I feel about you.
Folks never thought they would see the day,
They thought I would submit as a one night stand and then run away.
Now they see that I meant every word that I said.
I was not joking, my wonderful Ebony Goddess
I was not playing, when I gave myself to you as yours to instruct
I was not faking, as I lowered to my knees to offer you my bare backside.
I knew exactly what I was doing and I meant every word.
From the bottom of my heart, I meant every word.
Because when I told you that I was always yours.
I knew exactly what I was doing....
originally written by Phyllis Hyman 1995 adapted to TheLadySunn 2009
When I told you I was truly yours
I was not fooling, I can take 50 licks from you bamboo cane
I was not faking, I can take 50 swats from your oak paddle
I was not kidding, I can take as many hand spanks as you want to give me.
I knew exactly what I was saying and I meant every word.
No matter what life takes us through it will
never change the way I feel about you.
Folks never thought they would see the day,
They thought I would submit as a one night stand and then run away.
Now they see that I meant every word that I said.
I was not joking, my wonderful Ebony Goddess
I was not playing, when I gave myself to you as yours to instruct
I was not faking, as I lowered to my knees to offer you my bare backside.
I knew exactly what I was doing and I meant every word.
From the bottom of my heart, I meant every word.
Because when I told you that I was always yours.
I knew exactly what I was doing....
originally written by Phyllis Hyman 1995 adapted to TheLadySunn 2009
dimanche 23 août 2009
Bondage and tools
Bondage is a tool used by the Domina to restrict the movement of, or to immobilize the sub. Binding can be used for correction, but it is often used for pleasure, depending on the particular D/s relationship. During bondage, the Domina has complete control over the sub, but this depends on the type of binding used.
There are a variety of restraints you can purchase at your local adult bookstore, online store and/or through catalogs. Each one has its own use and purpose.
Regardless of the style of restraint, they should all be somewhat comfortable to wear but restrictive, and should not cut off blood circulation. If the sub is extremely uncomfortable, they will have attention on their body and not fully on the Domina.
During bondage, the Domina has almost complete control of the sub's body, and can use the time for instruction, punishment, teasing, or can bring the sub to orgasm at the MY wish. In order to be bound, there has to be a deep level of trust by the sub for the Domina. It is at this time more than any other that the Domina needs to be very perceptive of the cues the sub will give. When a sub is bound, the chance for injury jumps drastically, and the sub is not in a position to defend or assist herself. Giggles and YUM! It is an act of total submission to allow yourself to be bound. Therefore, the Domina must be in complete control of herself while handling a bound sub. Drinking or taking drugs before bondage is not recommended.
NOTE: The following items should be used with extreme care. It is very easy to permanently injure or even kill another person with these items. If you are unsure of how to use these items, get the assistance of experienced D/s couples.
Ropes
Rope bondage is the most common. This includes rope, scarves, neckties, belts, or any other multi-purpose item used to restrain the sub. Usually, the hands are bound to each other, but they can be bound to the thighs, waist, behind the back, or above the head. The sub can also be bound to another object such as a chair, shower curtain rod, hook in the ceiling, and many other places where you can tie off a rope. The feet can also be bound together, or apart.
NOTE: Care must be taken with rope. It is very easy to cut off circulation, or cause rope burns. Use a soft, large diameter rope, such as nautical rope. Check your sub frequently. The more the sub struggles, the tighter the rope becomes.
Straps
Normally, these are special items made of nylon webbing or leather. These are items that go a step beyond mere binding of hands or feet. They are much more difficult to get out of, and are more restrictive. Some strap items bind the wrists to the thighs, or to the ankles. Strap bondage items tend to be for a single purpose.
NOTE: When using strap items, check them thoroughly before use. If the item is frayed, ripped, has loose attachments, or is discolored, either repair the damage or throw the item away.
Cuffs
Cuffs are mainly used for wrist and arm restraint. When referring to leg and ankle restraint, they are normally called shackles. They can be made from many different materials, from nylon with Velcro closings, to leather, to metal. Care must be taken in using cuffs since a tight fit can cut off circulation. Cuffs can be used to bind the hands to the sub's waist, ankles, thighs, or to other objects. Usually, when hand or thumbcuffs are not used, the cuff is a specialized item that binds an extremity to another object, one or two at a time.
Chains
Since chains can cause injury to the skin, they are normally used to support cuffs, or to hold up a suspension device. However, some Doms use chain directly on the skin because it will not tighten accidentally. Choose a smooth, finished chain, and use quick-release clasps.
NOTE: Chains can twist and catch skin, pinching or tearing it. Examine your chains before use, and if there is damage, do not use the item.
Collars
Collars are devices that go around the neck of the sub. They can be made of leather or nylon. Chains or straps can be attached to it to secure the hands or legs. These devices can be different from a standard collar which shows ownership.
NOTE: Beginners should avoid the use of collars, or anything which goes around the neck of a sub in the beginning. It is very easy to inadvertently choke your sub.
Bars
Bars, also called spreader bars, are used to separate extremities from each other. They are normally around 2-3 feet long, though the size varies. The ends of the bar can be attached to cuffs around the wrists, ankles, or neck. The bar enables the Dom to control the movement of the sub, and enables the Dom to access certain body areas easily.
NOTE: Care should be taken to ensure the connectors on the ends of the bars are securely fastened, because if a connector comes loose, the bar could swing around and strike either the sub or the Dom.
Suspension Devices
Suspension devices are used to raise the sub off the floor. These devices are more advanced, and are best left alone if you are inexperienced.
Specialty Items
These items include padded boards, gymnastic horses, racks, crosses, benches, stocks, and many other items. These items are expensive and normally take up large amounts of space. Before purchasing these, make sure you have room for them in your home. They are also advanced bondage items.
For the beginner, Gym equipment, the dining room table, chairs, shower curtain rods, placing a hook above the door frame, or a four poster bed work very well for training purposes. A Domina does not need a fully equipped dungeon to properly train a submissive.
As you acquire more specialized bondage items over time, remember to inspect the item carefully before placing it on your sub. If the item is frayed or cut, or has broken clasps, throw it away. It is dangerous to use damaged items. At best, it is an unnecessary interruption of play. At worst, your sub could be injured by accident of course.
There are a variety of restraints you can purchase at your local adult bookstore, online store and/or through catalogs. Each one has its own use and purpose.
Regardless of the style of restraint, they should all be somewhat comfortable to wear but restrictive, and should not cut off blood circulation. If the sub is extremely uncomfortable, they will have attention on their body and not fully on the Domina.
During bondage, the Domina has almost complete control of the sub's body, and can use the time for instruction, punishment, teasing, or can bring the sub to orgasm at the MY wish. In order to be bound, there has to be a deep level of trust by the sub for the Domina. It is at this time more than any other that the Domina needs to be very perceptive of the cues the sub will give. When a sub is bound, the chance for injury jumps drastically, and the sub is not in a position to defend or assist herself. Giggles and YUM! It is an act of total submission to allow yourself to be bound. Therefore, the Domina must be in complete control of herself while handling a bound sub. Drinking or taking drugs before bondage is not recommended.
NOTE: The following items should be used with extreme care. It is very easy to permanently injure or even kill another person with these items. If you are unsure of how to use these items, get the assistance of experienced D/s couples.
Ropes
Rope bondage is the most common. This includes rope, scarves, neckties, belts, or any other multi-purpose item used to restrain the sub. Usually, the hands are bound to each other, but they can be bound to the thighs, waist, behind the back, or above the head. The sub can also be bound to another object such as a chair, shower curtain rod, hook in the ceiling, and many other places where you can tie off a rope. The feet can also be bound together, or apart.
NOTE: Care must be taken with rope. It is very easy to cut off circulation, or cause rope burns. Use a soft, large diameter rope, such as nautical rope. Check your sub frequently. The more the sub struggles, the tighter the rope becomes.
Straps
Normally, these are special items made of nylon webbing or leather. These are items that go a step beyond mere binding of hands or feet. They are much more difficult to get out of, and are more restrictive. Some strap items bind the wrists to the thighs, or to the ankles. Strap bondage items tend to be for a single purpose.
NOTE: When using strap items, check them thoroughly before use. If the item is frayed, ripped, has loose attachments, or is discolored, either repair the damage or throw the item away.
Cuffs
Cuffs are mainly used for wrist and arm restraint. When referring to leg and ankle restraint, they are normally called shackles. They can be made from many different materials, from nylon with Velcro closings, to leather, to metal. Care must be taken in using cuffs since a tight fit can cut off circulation. Cuffs can be used to bind the hands to the sub's waist, ankles, thighs, or to other objects. Usually, when hand or thumbcuffs are not used, the cuff is a specialized item that binds an extremity to another object, one or two at a time.
Chains
Since chains can cause injury to the skin, they are normally used to support cuffs, or to hold up a suspension device. However, some Doms use chain directly on the skin because it will not tighten accidentally. Choose a smooth, finished chain, and use quick-release clasps.
NOTE: Chains can twist and catch skin, pinching or tearing it. Examine your chains before use, and if there is damage, do not use the item.
Collars
Collars are devices that go around the neck of the sub. They can be made of leather or nylon. Chains or straps can be attached to it to secure the hands or legs. These devices can be different from a standard collar which shows ownership.
NOTE: Beginners should avoid the use of collars, or anything which goes around the neck of a sub in the beginning. It is very easy to inadvertently choke your sub.
Bars
Bars, also called spreader bars, are used to separate extremities from each other. They are normally around 2-3 feet long, though the size varies. The ends of the bar can be attached to cuffs around the wrists, ankles, or neck. The bar enables the Dom to control the movement of the sub, and enables the Dom to access certain body areas easily.
NOTE: Care should be taken to ensure the connectors on the ends of the bars are securely fastened, because if a connector comes loose, the bar could swing around and strike either the sub or the Dom.
Suspension Devices
Suspension devices are used to raise the sub off the floor. These devices are more advanced, and are best left alone if you are inexperienced.
Specialty Items
These items include padded boards, gymnastic horses, racks, crosses, benches, stocks, and many other items. These items are expensive and normally take up large amounts of space. Before purchasing these, make sure you have room for them in your home. They are also advanced bondage items.
For the beginner, Gym equipment, the dining room table, chairs, shower curtain rods, placing a hook above the door frame, or a four poster bed work very well for training purposes. A Domina does not need a fully equipped dungeon to properly train a submissive.
As you acquire more specialized bondage items over time, remember to inspect the item carefully before placing it on your sub. If the item is frayed or cut, or has broken clasps, throw it away. It is dangerous to use damaged items. At best, it is an unnecessary interruption of play. At worst, your sub could be injured by accident of course.
AND So it begins…
I can’t wait until I lead you to the bed. Until we kiss, exploring, searching, full of desire. Until my hands touch you through your clothes, wanting so much to rip them off, yet savoring the anticipation...
I can’t WAIT until I pull you across my knee for the first time, perhaps binding your wrists comfortably behind your back even as I land a few preliminary swats to your already squirming, fully shielded backside. Hearing (and disregarding) your "protests" as I unzip your skirt and slide it from your legs. Staring with INCREDIBLE hunger at the panty-clad bottom before me…
I’d start here, slowly, deliberately, and most importantly – unpredictably: sometimes one hard swat followed by a long pause; sometimes a brief flurry of rapid-fire spanks. But I would make sure that every single inch of your behind was covered underneath your panties – that you were properly "warmed up" – before I peeled them down to the tops of your thighs...
Once again, I can’t help but stare at your now fully exposed backside, tinged with the first hint of a blush that will soon deepen. I also can’t help but slide a hand between your thighs to check for the wetness I know is there – before I begin to spank you…
Once more, I start out slowly and deliberately, but this time with a certain rhythm – you have many spanks to count tonite, my dear, and time is of the essence: I have SO much more in mind for your bottom this evening…
I can’t WAIT until I pull you across my knee for the first time, perhaps binding your wrists comfortably behind your back even as I land a few preliminary swats to your already squirming, fully shielded backside. Hearing (and disregarding) your "protests" as I unzip your skirt and slide it from your legs. Staring with INCREDIBLE hunger at the panty-clad bottom before me…
I’d start here, slowly, deliberately, and most importantly – unpredictably: sometimes one hard swat followed by a long pause; sometimes a brief flurry of rapid-fire spanks. But I would make sure that every single inch of your behind was covered underneath your panties – that you were properly "warmed up" – before I peeled them down to the tops of your thighs...
Once again, I can’t help but stare at your now fully exposed backside, tinged with the first hint of a blush that will soon deepen. I also can’t help but slide a hand between your thighs to check for the wetness I know is there – before I begin to spank you…
Once more, I start out slowly and deliberately, but this time with a certain rhythm – you have many spanks to count tonite, my dear, and time is of the essence: I have SO much more in mind for your bottom this evening…
samedi 6 juin 2009
To experiment with operant conditioning
Basically, classical conditioning is a form of learning where two stimuli become associated so strongly that the presence of only one of the stimuli will elicit the same response as if both were present. (If you need to know more, go read that node).
Operant conditioning is when you do one thing, another thing happens, and you therefore learn to do the first thing in order to cause the second thing to happen. This is stimulus-response connection. (classical conditioning is a stimulus-stimulus connection).
About the time Ivan Pavlov was working with his dogs, Edward L. Thorndike was messing about with cats; he put them into cages ('puzzle boxes') which had some trigger that needed to be pressed or pulled in order to open the door. The cats would struggle to escape, and by chance would hit or pull the right doodad; after a couple times the cats would learn to just hit the button or pull the string straight off. This response would be reinforced by repeated successes, and weakened by failure. This is called Thorndike's Law of Effect.
B.F. Skinner liked the general idea, and because of his work operant conditioning is largely associated with his name today. But Skinner was a Behaviorist, and so dropped all talk of intentions and desires on the part of the animal. He focused on the operant, which he defined as an observable, voluntary behavior that an organism emits to 'operate' (have an effect) on the environment. The Skinner-Box is a common apparatus used to experiment with operant conditioning.
Operant conditioning is when you do one thing, another thing happens, and you therefore learn to do the first thing in order to cause the second thing to happen. This is stimulus-response connection. (classical conditioning is a stimulus-stimulus connection).
About the time Ivan Pavlov was working with his dogs, Edward L. Thorndike was messing about with cats; he put them into cages ('puzzle boxes') which had some trigger that needed to be pressed or pulled in order to open the door. The cats would struggle to escape, and by chance would hit or pull the right doodad; after a couple times the cats would learn to just hit the button or pull the string straight off. This response would be reinforced by repeated successes, and weakened by failure. This is called Thorndike's Law of Effect.
B.F. Skinner liked the general idea, and because of his work operant conditioning is largely associated with his name today. But Skinner was a Behaviorist, and so dropped all talk of intentions and desires on the part of the animal. He focused on the operant, which he defined as an observable, voluntary behavior that an organism emits to 'operate' (have an effect) on the environment. The Skinner-Box is a common apparatus used to experiment with operant conditioning.
Blues queen Koko Taylor dies at 80
By CARYN ROUSSEAU
Associated Press Writer
CHICAGO — Koko Taylor, a sharecropper's daughter whose regal bearing and powerful voice earned her the sobriquet "Queen of the Blues," has died after complications from surgery. She was 80.
Taylor died Wednesday at Northwestern Memorial Hospital about two weeks after having surgery for a gastrointestinal bleed, said Marc Lipkin, director of publicity for her record label, Alligator Records, which made the announcement.
"The passion that she brought and the fire and the growl in her voice when she sang was the truth," blues singer and musician Ronnie Baker Brooks said Wednesday. "The music will live on, but it's much better because of Koko. It's a huge loss."
Taylor's career stretched more than five decades. While she did not have widespread mainstream success, she was revered and beloved by blues aficionados, and earned worldwide acclaim for her work, which including the best-selling song "Wang Dang Doodle" and tunes such as "What Kind of Man is This" and "I Got What It Takes."
Taylor appeared on national television numerous times, and was the subject of a PBS documentary and had a small part in director David Lynch's "Wild at Heart."
"What a loss to the blues world," said Chicago blues legend Buddy Guy. "She was one of the last of the greats of Chicago and really did what she could to keep the blues alive here, like I'm trying to do now."
In the course of her career, Taylor was nominated seven times for Grammy awards and won in 1984.
Taylor last performed on May 7 in Memphis, Tenn., at the Blues Music Awards.
"She was still the best female blues singer in the world a month ago," said Jay Sieleman, executive director of The Blues Foundation based in Memphis. "In 1950s Chicago she was the woman singing the blues. At 80 years old she was still the queen of the blues."
Born Cora Walton just outside Memphis, Taylor said her dream to become a blues singer was nurtured in the cotton fields outside her family's sharecropper shack.
"I used to listen to the radio, and when I was about 18 years old, B.B. King was a disc jockey and he had a radio program, 15 minutes a day, over in West Memphis, Arkansas and he would play the blues," she said in a 1990 interview. "I would hear different records and things by Muddy Waters, Bessie Smith, Memphis Minnie, Sonnyboy Williams and all these people, you know, which I just loved."
Although her father encouraged her to sing only gospel music, Cora and her siblings would sneak out back with their homemade instruments and play the blues. With one brother accompanying on a guitar made out of bailing wire and nails and one brother on a fife made out of a corncob, she began on the path to blues woman.
Orphaned at 11, Koko — a nickname she earned because of an early love of chocolate — at age 18 moved to Chicago with her soon-to-be-husband, the late Robert "Pops" Taylor, in search for work.
"I was so glad to get out of the cotton patch and stop pickin' cotton, I wouldn't of cared who come by and said, 'I'll take you to Chicago,'" Taylor recalled in a 2004 interview with The Associated Press.
When she first entered the city, she thought, "Good God, this must be heaven," Taylor said.
Setting up house on the South Side, Koko found work as a cleaning woman for a wealthy family living in the city's northern suburbs. At night and on weekends, she and her husband, who would later become her manager, frequented Chicago's clubs, where many the artists heard on the radio performed.
"I started going to these local clubs, me and my husband, and everybody got to know us," Taylor said. "And then the guys would start letting me sit in, you know, come up on the bandstand and do a tune."
The break for Tennessee-born Taylor came in 1962, when arranger/composer Willie Dixon, impressed by her voice, got her a Chess recording contract and produced several singles (and two albums) for her, including the million-selling 1965 hit, "Wang Dang Doodle," which she called silly, but which launched her recording career.
From Chicago blues clubs, Taylor took her raucous, gritty, good-time blues on the road to blues and jazz festivals around the nation, and into Europe. After the Chess label folded, she signed with Alligator Records.
In most years, she performed at least 100 concerts a year.
"Blues is my life," Taylor once said. "It's a true feeling that comes from the heart, not something that just comes out of my mouth. Blues is what I love, and blues is what I always do."
In addition to performing, she operated a Chicago nightclub, which closed in November 2001 because her daughter, club manager Joyce Threatt, developed severe asthma and could no longer manage a smoky nightclub.
Survivors include her daughter; husband Hays Harris; grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Funeral arrangements will be announced, the label said.
Taylor was a mentor and inspiration to the next generation of female blues singers, said 30-year-old blues singer Shemekia Copeland, who first met Taylor when she was 15 at a club in New York.
"When I saw her, I couldn't speak," said Copeland, the daughter of late blues artist Johnny Copeland. "You can't ask a woman who sings blues right now who influenced them and not say, 'Koko Taylor.' If she didn't pave the way for us we couldn't do this."
http://www.kokotaylor.com
Associated Press Writer
CHICAGO — Koko Taylor, a sharecropper's daughter whose regal bearing and powerful voice earned her the sobriquet "Queen of the Blues," has died after complications from surgery. She was 80.
Taylor died Wednesday at Northwestern Memorial Hospital about two weeks after having surgery for a gastrointestinal bleed, said Marc Lipkin, director of publicity for her record label, Alligator Records, which made the announcement.
"The passion that she brought and the fire and the growl in her voice when she sang was the truth," blues singer and musician Ronnie Baker Brooks said Wednesday. "The music will live on, but it's much better because of Koko. It's a huge loss."
Taylor's career stretched more than five decades. While she did not have widespread mainstream success, she was revered and beloved by blues aficionados, and earned worldwide acclaim for her work, which including the best-selling song "Wang Dang Doodle" and tunes such as "What Kind of Man is This" and "I Got What It Takes."
Taylor appeared on national television numerous times, and was the subject of a PBS documentary and had a small part in director David Lynch's "Wild at Heart."
"What a loss to the blues world," said Chicago blues legend Buddy Guy. "She was one of the last of the greats of Chicago and really did what she could to keep the blues alive here, like I'm trying to do now."
In the course of her career, Taylor was nominated seven times for Grammy awards and won in 1984.
Taylor last performed on May 7 in Memphis, Tenn., at the Blues Music Awards.
"She was still the best female blues singer in the world a month ago," said Jay Sieleman, executive director of The Blues Foundation based in Memphis. "In 1950s Chicago she was the woman singing the blues. At 80 years old she was still the queen of the blues."
Born Cora Walton just outside Memphis, Taylor said her dream to become a blues singer was nurtured in the cotton fields outside her family's sharecropper shack.
"I used to listen to the radio, and when I was about 18 years old, B.B. King was a disc jockey and he had a radio program, 15 minutes a day, over in West Memphis, Arkansas and he would play the blues," she said in a 1990 interview. "I would hear different records and things by Muddy Waters, Bessie Smith, Memphis Minnie, Sonnyboy Williams and all these people, you know, which I just loved."
Although her father encouraged her to sing only gospel music, Cora and her siblings would sneak out back with their homemade instruments and play the blues. With one brother accompanying on a guitar made out of bailing wire and nails and one brother on a fife made out of a corncob, she began on the path to blues woman.
Orphaned at 11, Koko — a nickname she earned because of an early love of chocolate — at age 18 moved to Chicago with her soon-to-be-husband, the late Robert "Pops" Taylor, in search for work.
"I was so glad to get out of the cotton patch and stop pickin' cotton, I wouldn't of cared who come by and said, 'I'll take you to Chicago,'" Taylor recalled in a 2004 interview with The Associated Press.
When she first entered the city, she thought, "Good God, this must be heaven," Taylor said.
Setting up house on the South Side, Koko found work as a cleaning woman for a wealthy family living in the city's northern suburbs. At night and on weekends, she and her husband, who would later become her manager, frequented Chicago's clubs, where many the artists heard on the radio performed.
"I started going to these local clubs, me and my husband, and everybody got to know us," Taylor said. "And then the guys would start letting me sit in, you know, come up on the bandstand and do a tune."
The break for Tennessee-born Taylor came in 1962, when arranger/composer Willie Dixon, impressed by her voice, got her a Chess recording contract and produced several singles (and two albums) for her, including the million-selling 1965 hit, "Wang Dang Doodle," which she called silly, but which launched her recording career.
From Chicago blues clubs, Taylor took her raucous, gritty, good-time blues on the road to blues and jazz festivals around the nation, and into Europe. After the Chess label folded, she signed with Alligator Records.
In most years, she performed at least 100 concerts a year.
"Blues is my life," Taylor once said. "It's a true feeling that comes from the heart, not something that just comes out of my mouth. Blues is what I love, and blues is what I always do."
In addition to performing, she operated a Chicago nightclub, which closed in November 2001 because her daughter, club manager Joyce Threatt, developed severe asthma and could no longer manage a smoky nightclub.
Survivors include her daughter; husband Hays Harris; grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Funeral arrangements will be announced, the label said.
Taylor was a mentor and inspiration to the next generation of female blues singers, said 30-year-old blues singer Shemekia Copeland, who first met Taylor when she was 15 at a club in New York.
"When I saw her, I couldn't speak," said Copeland, the daughter of late blues artist Johnny Copeland. "You can't ask a woman who sings blues right now who influenced them and not say, 'Koko Taylor.' If she didn't pave the way for us we couldn't do this."
http://www.kokotaylor.com
mercredi 22 avril 2009
Objectification
Objectify
From Wipipedia
Sexual objectification is, in some circumstances, the fetishistic act of regarding a person as an object for erotic purposes. Allen Jones' sculptures Hat Stand and Table Sculpture, made in 1969, which show semi-naked women in the roles of furniture, are clear examples of the depiction of the fantasy of sexual objectification. (This particular interest, a form of sexual bondage that involves making furniture designed to incorporate a bound person, is also known as "forniphilia".) In wider society, objectification, particularly of women, is considered to be a very negative trait as it reinforces gender sterotypes and the inequality of the sexes; in certain cases objectification could be considered abusive. This is not generally the case in consensual BDSM play, where the objectification is being done with the appoval of all parties.
A desire to be objectified occurs in many men's and women's masochistic sexual fantasies. Objectification for fetishistic purposes may provide erotic humiliation for the person so regarded, whether male or female.
A common way to objectify someone is to put a hood or head harness over their head so that their face becomes hidden or obscured. In a club environment the sub can submit to objectification by allowing themselves to be led around the club on a lead (as if they were an animal). Another simple method is to talk about the sub with another person (with the sub present) but only referring to them in the third person; while the sub is the topic of the conversation they are not part of it.
From Wipipedia
Sexual objectification is, in some circumstances, the fetishistic act of regarding a person as an object for erotic purposes. Allen Jones' sculptures Hat Stand and Table Sculpture, made in 1969, which show semi-naked women in the roles of furniture, are clear examples of the depiction of the fantasy of sexual objectification. (This particular interest, a form of sexual bondage that involves making furniture designed to incorporate a bound person, is also known as "forniphilia".) In wider society, objectification, particularly of women, is considered to be a very negative trait as it reinforces gender sterotypes and the inequality of the sexes; in certain cases objectification could be considered abusive. This is not generally the case in consensual BDSM play, where the objectification is being done with the appoval of all parties.
A desire to be objectified occurs in many men's and women's masochistic sexual fantasies. Objectification for fetishistic purposes may provide erotic humiliation for the person so regarded, whether male or female.
A common way to objectify someone is to put a hood or head harness over their head so that their face becomes hidden or obscured. In a club environment the sub can submit to objectification by allowing themselves to be led around the club on a lead (as if they were an animal). Another simple method is to talk about the sub with another person (with the sub present) but only referring to them in the third person; while the sub is the topic of the conversation they are not part of it.
vendredi 17 avril 2009
Making it hard to Breath for the Fun of it
Queening or Kinging
Okay, so I don't know if Kinging is the proper term but it is the one I'm going to use because I like it. Queening is basically when a woman smothers a person by pressing her sex into their face so that they can't breath. Kinging is basically when a man uses his sex to keep a woman from breathing as he pinches her nose closed somehow. I think it is fun to wear a harness with a dildo and use that method of domination myself. Obviously you could smother people with other body parts too, but I won't go into every part you could use. The risks are all about the same. If anything is in a person's mouth that could spark a gag reflex I think it is important not to insert it too deep or someone could throw up and inhale their own vomit. Many of us have faced that fear even when we weren't doing breath control..haha. If you are sitting on someone's face it is really important to have some nonverbal signals since you may not notice if they faint.
Gasmasks or Hoods
I love these. They are some of my personal favorites but they are a tad riskier than the options I mentioned earlier. You can put the bottom in a gasmask (my favorite is the Israeli style) and cover the air inlet. If you are really creative you can attach a tube to the air inlet and cut the air off by placing the tube opening against the body of the Top or bottom. It is hard to describe how delicious it is to be gasping from lack of air and have the tube placed against one of my nipples so that I am literally sucking on it with each gasp. Be very familiar with the gasmask and how to get it off quick if the bottom vomits from lack of oxygen. In the case of hoods, the first thing I would mention is that you need some way to monitor the bottom's state while they are in it. Depending on what style hood you are using you will need to adjust your play style accordingly. I recommend a hood with a mouth opening that you can cover so that it could be open if the person gets sick. If you choose to use some kind of discipline hood that uses tubes in the nose and mouth of your bottom you may want to be especially careful that if your bottom passes out the tubes won't get jammed into them too far if they fall. It is also important that you can remove the hood fast if the need arises. As much as I love inflatable hoods they are slow to remove and I think them poorly suited for breath control play. When you restore breathing to your bottom it is important that you make sure there is nothing in the air that may hinder their breathing or harm them to inhale through the tubes. I've inhaled latex polish and baby powder and I can tell you it isn't fun.
Bags/Plastic wrap
The main things to keep in mind are all pretty obvious. Remove the bag or plastic if the person faints. I would recommend that the material be held in place by hand. If you opt for another way of holding it in place try to avoid any pressure to the larynx.
Rebreathing bladders
These are usually attached to gasmasks or hoods. If you use them that way see my comments above. If you use these with tubes or something just remember to make sure the tubes don't go too far down the bottom's throat or up their nose.
Pressure on the Trachea and/or Hanging
This form of play requires a lot of caution. If you are somehow compressing the trachea it is important to do so by slowly applying pressure and making sure not to apply pressure to the larynx. One method is to take a curved finger and place it at the part of the throat where it meets the chin and pushing up and back slowly. Another method is to apply pressure below the larynx (sometimes with a scarf). A lot of injuries can occur to the trachea this way if you press too hard. If you are going to use a ligature or noose it is safer if you use one that doesn't constrict. If it does, make sure it is wide and padded. If it is too narrow it will cut or twist the skin causing bruising and damage to things such as blood vessels, nerves, the cervical spine, and the windpipe. It may also be a good idea to use a dry lubricant such as baby powder and a soft type of rope or ligature. If you are hanging someone it is important never to drop them into place. That could break their spine. I think a really nice form of rigging for hanging is when a person is raised into place with their feet still on the ground. If you decide to try airwalking there is a significant possibility of damage to the spine.
Compression of the chest
I like to simply have a lover lay on me and make it impossible for me to breathe. I'm rather teeny so if I have a big partner they can accomplish this pretty easy. Another form of chest compression is corseting. I can personally attest to how wonderfully hot it is to barely be able to breath in when wearing one. If you pursue corseting you should do some research on that particular topic. However you compress the chest you need to go slowly and carefully. It would be easy to break a person's ribs. It is my understanding that when you ease up on someone you should do it slowly or they may faint.
lundi 6 avril 2009
To Be Whipped to Orgasm
Q> I love to get whipped. Maybe I love to get whipped too much, because when my Mistress starts running Her fingers through a cat's braids I get excited, and when She orders me into position for a flogging I get hard. Sometimes during a flogging I can't maintain control so I have been known to come from being whipped. When She wants that kind of result my Mistress is very pleased by my response. But since She expects to dictate when I may and when I may not have an orgasm, my occasional lack of control has sometimes inspired a degree of irritation in Her that was neither pretty to see nor healthy for Her slave. I'd like to be able to train my excitement better than I have, both for her pleasure and for mine, but faced with a flogger I'm clueless. And you?
A> Me? Faced with a flogger I am not clueless, but I don't suppose that's really the question you want answered. Although they usually refer to situations other than the one you describe, what the textbooks call "premature ejaculation" – meaning that a man comes sooner than he or his partner would like, not meaning that he comes sooner than God in Her infinite wisdom dictates that he "should" – is one of the most common concerns men bring to sex therapists and, if it is not complicated by other factors, often one of the easiest to resolve. The basis for resolution frequently involves teaching the man how to recognize when he is getting close to coming so that he can pause somehow in whatever activity is stimulating his arousal. Usually the client practices with and/or without a partner, reports his progress to the therapist, and they make adjustments in the work to facilitate the process.
In ordinary sexual situations teaching a man to recognize when he is approaching what is known as the point of "ejaculatory inevitability" – the moment when he can no longer help but come – involves either of two techniques. One is called the Stop-Start technique, the other is called the Squeeze technique. In the Squeeze technique, when the man approaches ejaculatory inevitability his partner gently pinches the head of his penis between her or his thumb and forefinger. This pinch tends to relieve his urge to release and, generally, makes the erect penis partially soft again. By practicing the Squeeze technique over and over, the man becomes better able than he was to gauge how close he is to coming, and to back off from further stimulation for a few minutes. Although there is no pinching involved, the Stop-Start technique is similar as a means of teaching a man how to anticipate that he is close to coming: it involves repeating the cycle of stimulation to the same point just before ejaculatory inevitability and stopping all stimulation until the man's erection subsides, then resuming stimulation until he is near to coming and stopping again, and so forth. Obviously, a man can practice these techniques alone in his masturbation whether or not he has a partner, with the same learning results. Usually it is a good idea to practice alone first in any case, to get a sense of your own physical process, before introducing a partner or other outside stimulation.
There are differences in your situation, of course: they are, first, that your stimulation is fetish- rather than tactile-based, and, second, that you do not have permission to control your own arousal – or, at least, your own release. Consequently, your Mistress may have to be involved in your training, which neither of you may find objectionable. As a fetish-based stimulant the flogging is, to a significant extent, in your mind before it's in your body. If your Mistress wants to delay your ejaculation she may want to contain your exposure to her whips by limiting your ability to see, smell, and hear them before she begins to use them on you, and to modulate the way and the extent to which you feel them when she whips you. She may also want to train you to alert her when you approach the point of ejaculatory inevitability so that she can back off from the flogging while you regroup. With some practice she may learn to teach you to control yourself so she can give you the beating you may both wish her to administer.
Incidentally, I have heard of someone taking one or another of the serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (such as Paxcel, Prozac, Zoloft) for the purpose of controlling sexual release. I am not a physician and I'd have to guess this is probably not medically sound, even though a number of studies suggest that these and certain other anti-depressant medications can delay ejaculation as a side-effect. But if this order of anti-depressant is in your life already, or if you believe it might profitably be, you might discuss the option with your psychiatrist or other prescribing physician.
A> Me? Faced with a flogger I am not clueless, but I don't suppose that's really the question you want answered. Although they usually refer to situations other than the one you describe, what the textbooks call "premature ejaculation" – meaning that a man comes sooner than he or his partner would like, not meaning that he comes sooner than God in Her infinite wisdom dictates that he "should" – is one of the most common concerns men bring to sex therapists and, if it is not complicated by other factors, often one of the easiest to resolve. The basis for resolution frequently involves teaching the man how to recognize when he is getting close to coming so that he can pause somehow in whatever activity is stimulating his arousal. Usually the client practices with and/or without a partner, reports his progress to the therapist, and they make adjustments in the work to facilitate the process.
In ordinary sexual situations teaching a man to recognize when he is approaching what is known as the point of "ejaculatory inevitability" – the moment when he can no longer help but come – involves either of two techniques. One is called the Stop-Start technique, the other is called the Squeeze technique. In the Squeeze technique, when the man approaches ejaculatory inevitability his partner gently pinches the head of his penis between her or his thumb and forefinger. This pinch tends to relieve his urge to release and, generally, makes the erect penis partially soft again. By practicing the Squeeze technique over and over, the man becomes better able than he was to gauge how close he is to coming, and to back off from further stimulation for a few minutes. Although there is no pinching involved, the Stop-Start technique is similar as a means of teaching a man how to anticipate that he is close to coming: it involves repeating the cycle of stimulation to the same point just before ejaculatory inevitability and stopping all stimulation until the man's erection subsides, then resuming stimulation until he is near to coming and stopping again, and so forth. Obviously, a man can practice these techniques alone in his masturbation whether or not he has a partner, with the same learning results. Usually it is a good idea to practice alone first in any case, to get a sense of your own physical process, before introducing a partner or other outside stimulation.
There are differences in your situation, of course: they are, first, that your stimulation is fetish- rather than tactile-based, and, second, that you do not have permission to control your own arousal – or, at least, your own release. Consequently, your Mistress may have to be involved in your training, which neither of you may find objectionable. As a fetish-based stimulant the flogging is, to a significant extent, in your mind before it's in your body. If your Mistress wants to delay your ejaculation she may want to contain your exposure to her whips by limiting your ability to see, smell, and hear them before she begins to use them on you, and to modulate the way and the extent to which you feel them when she whips you. She may also want to train you to alert her when you approach the point of ejaculatory inevitability so that she can back off from the flogging while you regroup. With some practice she may learn to teach you to control yourself so she can give you the beating you may both wish her to administer.
Incidentally, I have heard of someone taking one or another of the serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (such as Paxcel, Prozac, Zoloft) for the purpose of controlling sexual release. I am not a physician and I'd have to guess this is probably not medically sound, even though a number of studies suggest that these and certain other anti-depressant medications can delay ejaculation as a side-effect. But if this order of anti-depressant is in your life already, or if you believe it might profitably be, you might discuss the option with your psychiatrist or other prescribing physician.
The Appeal of Darkness
One of the frequent appeals of BDSM is the close approach it makes to the dark aspects of life. While mature adults distinguish between fantasy and reality, people are nevertheless drawn to contemplating what they also would fear and despise in reality.
The success of films, novels, and news reports that depict -- often graphically -- rapes, abductions, beatings, and violence is only the tip of the iceberg. It is hard to find an adult who has not at some point in his or her fantasy or reading life been intrigued by some aspect of the extreme, however guiltily those thoughts or prurient observing may have been entertained. Tortures, dungeons, pain,
innocent people being pushed to emotional and physical extremes by evil or injustice, the challenge of survival, rage, capture, rape, pillage, blood, weapons, and murder have a fascinating appeal to people. It's a fact.
BDSM offers a consensual, controllably safe framework in which tops and bottoms alike can and often do gradually talk about, explore,and experience an approach to these dark fantasies. While carrying out such heavier play is not for everyone, much actual BDSM draws some of its elements from fascination with such darkness. The range of exploration is very wide. It is always highly tailored between individuals who, ideally, constantly re-evaluate consent and caring between each other.
The extent of communication and prior negotiation that typically goes on before people play in the ways I will describe in this section cannot be overemphasized. The people I know who play in these ways do so with awe-inspiring awareness of the extremity of the risks they are taking with regard to their emotional lives and physical well-being. Most important of all, they know that they might not understand all the ways it can go wrong. Responsibility for oneself and for one's partner is the essence of this kind of play.
Sensible people do not play this way without discussing the possible negative outcomes. This includes allocating responsibility for dealing with long-term repercussions and re-cuperations in extreme situations. Failure to discuss in advance expectations about aftercare can lead to the top's feeling trapped into supplying endless emotional support or the bottom's feeling emotionally abandoned.
If you are a novice, the ideas in this section are not kinds of play that are recommended. I'm not going to whitewash the risks; but neither am I going to whitewash all of BDSM by pretending that such dark kinds of play do not exist. It's out there, and if it appeals to you, you might be able to find a way to work these things out with your partner. Better that you should know what problems -- and what joys! -- others have encountered and what concerns they have considered than that you should have to re-invent the wheel for yourself.
Emotional Degradation and Emotional Subjection
Emotional degradation is a form of emotional SM that goes beyond embarrassment or humiliation into the realm of stripping the bottom of self-esteem or inner resources. For many people being embarrassed, humiliated, or even degraded can be very hot. Where to draw the line, and how to be sure that the loss of self-esteem stays under control and does not pervade aspects of life where it is unwanted can be very difficult to assess.
The heavier and riskier forms of this kind of play bring up questions about potentially damaging someone's self-respect both in and out of scene. While many males find it very hot to be told their cocks are small and unsatisfying in scene, and many females and males alike find it very hot to be told they are dirty, disgusting, or too ugly to desire, it would potentially be damaging to reinforce someone's negative self-image. To tell someone that he is stupid, useless, or undesirable may be hot for the person at the time, but it carries a lot of risk if it is repeated daily. It is the responsibility of the partners to consider the long-term self-esteem issues involved and to be sure that this kind of play does not lead into nonconsensual areas that sneak up on the partners over time.
More than most kinds of risky play, emotional degradation seems to risk a relationship's crossing the line into abuse. If the submissive or bottom is constantly told he or she is useless or subject to the top/dom's every whim, told to stay home doing the only lowly tasks he or she is good for, devoid of an outside job, school, or independent friends, and otherwise made dependent financially and emotionally on the top/dom for any kind of support or approval, how do the partners know if consent is still being given of free will? Even though such a model of abject subjection and extreme dependency on one's dom or top is appealing to many people, top and bottom alike, there is a substantial long-run risk of entrapment involved. Such relationships can start off with freely given and informed consent, but risk long-run emotional damage as well as the loss of opportunities in life.
Not all such relationships go down such a sad road! But to not think about the risks in advance and periodically reevaluate the situation is foolish.
The success of films, novels, and news reports that depict -- often graphically -- rapes, abductions, beatings, and violence is only the tip of the iceberg. It is hard to find an adult who has not at some point in his or her fantasy or reading life been intrigued by some aspect of the extreme, however guiltily those thoughts or prurient observing may have been entertained. Tortures, dungeons, pain,
innocent people being pushed to emotional and physical extremes by evil or injustice, the challenge of survival, rage, capture, rape, pillage, blood, weapons, and murder have a fascinating appeal to people. It's a fact.
BDSM offers a consensual, controllably safe framework in which tops and bottoms alike can and often do gradually talk about, explore,and experience an approach to these dark fantasies. While carrying out such heavier play is not for everyone, much actual BDSM draws some of its elements from fascination with such darkness. The range of exploration is very wide. It is always highly tailored between individuals who, ideally, constantly re-evaluate consent and caring between each other.
The extent of communication and prior negotiation that typically goes on before people play in the ways I will describe in this section cannot be overemphasized. The people I know who play in these ways do so with awe-inspiring awareness of the extremity of the risks they are taking with regard to their emotional lives and physical well-being. Most important of all, they know that they might not understand all the ways it can go wrong. Responsibility for oneself and for one's partner is the essence of this kind of play.
Sensible people do not play this way without discussing the possible negative outcomes. This includes allocating responsibility for dealing with long-term repercussions and re-cuperations in extreme situations. Failure to discuss in advance expectations about aftercare can lead to the top's feeling trapped into supplying endless emotional support or the bottom's feeling emotionally abandoned.
If you are a novice, the ideas in this section are not kinds of play that are recommended. I'm not going to whitewash the risks; but neither am I going to whitewash all of BDSM by pretending that such dark kinds of play do not exist. It's out there, and if it appeals to you, you might be able to find a way to work these things out with your partner. Better that you should know what problems -- and what joys! -- others have encountered and what concerns they have considered than that you should have to re-invent the wheel for yourself.
Emotional Degradation and Emotional Subjection
Emotional degradation is a form of emotional SM that goes beyond embarrassment or humiliation into the realm of stripping the bottom of self-esteem or inner resources. For many people being embarrassed, humiliated, or even degraded can be very hot. Where to draw the line, and how to be sure that the loss of self-esteem stays under control and does not pervade aspects of life where it is unwanted can be very difficult to assess.
The heavier and riskier forms of this kind of play bring up questions about potentially damaging someone's self-respect both in and out of scene. While many males find it very hot to be told their cocks are small and unsatisfying in scene, and many females and males alike find it very hot to be told they are dirty, disgusting, or too ugly to desire, it would potentially be damaging to reinforce someone's negative self-image. To tell someone that he is stupid, useless, or undesirable may be hot for the person at the time, but it carries a lot of risk if it is repeated daily. It is the responsibility of the partners to consider the long-term self-esteem issues involved and to be sure that this kind of play does not lead into nonconsensual areas that sneak up on the partners over time.
More than most kinds of risky play, emotional degradation seems to risk a relationship's crossing the line into abuse. If the submissive or bottom is constantly told he or she is useless or subject to the top/dom's every whim, told to stay home doing the only lowly tasks he or she is good for, devoid of an outside job, school, or independent friends, and otherwise made dependent financially and emotionally on the top/dom for any kind of support or approval, how do the partners know if consent is still being given of free will? Even though such a model of abject subjection and extreme dependency on one's dom or top is appealing to many people, top and bottom alike, there is a substantial long-run risk of entrapment involved. Such relationships can start off with freely given and informed consent, but risk long-run emotional damage as well as the loss of opportunities in life.
Not all such relationships go down such a sad road! But to not think about the risks in advance and periodically reevaluate the situation is foolish.
jeudi 2 avril 2009
The Hankie Code
Hankie Codes originated in the Gay Community, but are sometimes used by BDSMers as well. The different colors indicate preferred activities, while the placement of the hankie(s) in the right or left pocket signifies a Dominant/Top (left pocket placement) or a submissive/bottom (right pocket)
*Note: The above pocket placements are for the US only - European flaggers (those who use the hankie code) use the opposite pockets to signify Dominant/Top and submissive/bottom. Be aware when traveling across the pond!
Worn on Left COLOR Worn on Right
Heavy SM top BLACK heavy SM bottom
Bondage top GREY fit to be tied!
Wants head LT BLUE cocksucker
69er ROBIN'S EGG BLUE anything but 69ing
Cop MEDIUM BLUE cop sucker
Fucker NAVY BLUE fuckee
Pilot/flight attendant AIR FORCE BLUE likes flyboys
Sailor LT BLUE / WHITE STRIPE lookin' for salty seamen
Cock & ball torturer TEAL BLUE cock & ball torturee
fist fucker RED fist fuckee
Cuts MAROON bleeds
2-handed fister MARK RED 2-handed fistee
Dildo fucker LIGHT PINK dildo fuckee
Tit torturer DARK PINK tit torturee
Into navel worshippers MAUVE has a navel fetish
Suck my pits MAGENTA armpit freak
Piercer PURPLE piercee
Likes drag queens LAVENDER drag queen
Pisser / water sports YELLOW piss freak
Spits PALE YELLOW drool crazy
Hung 8" or more MUSTARD wants a big one
Two looking for one GOLD one looking for two
Anything anytime ORANGE nothing now (cruising)
Two tons o' fun APRICOT chubby chaser
Suck my toes CORAL shrimper
A cowboy RUST his horse
Spanker FUSCHIA spankee
Hustler (for rent) KELLY GREEN john (looking to buy)
Daddy HUNTER GREEN orphan boy looking for daddy
Military top OLIVE DRAB military bottom
Dines off tricks (food) LIME GREEN dinner plate
Rimmer BEIGE rimmee
Scat top BROWN scat bottom
Uncut BROWN LACE likes uncut
Cut BROWN SATIN likes cut
Latex fetish top CHARCOAL latex fetish bottom
Actually owns a suit GREY FLANNEL likes men in suits
Beat my meat WHITE I'll do us both
Milker HOLSTEIN milkee
Comes in scumbags CREAM sucks it out
Safe sex top BLACK / WHITE CHECK safe sex bottom
Shaver RED / WHITE STRIPE shavee
Furry bear RED / BLACK STRIPE likes bears
Likes white bottoms WHITE LACE likes white tops
Likes black bottoms BLACK / WHITE STRIPE likes black tops
Likes Latino bottoms BROWN / WHITE STRIPE likes latino tops
Likes Asian bottoms YELLOW / WHITE STRIPE likes asian tops
Enjoys ravishment/'rape' play ORANGE / BLACK STRIPES looking to be ravished or 'raped'
Likes white suckers LT BLUE / WHITE DOTS likes to suck whites
Likes black suckers LT BLUE / BLACK DOTS likes to suck blacks
Likes Latino suckers LT BLUE / BROWN DOTS likes to suck latinos
Likes Asian suckers LT BLUE / YELLOW DOTS likes to suck asians
Park sex top RED / WHITE GINGHAM park sex bottom
Headmaster BROWN CORDUROY student
Wears boxer shorts PAISLEY likes boxer shorts
Bestialist top FUR bestialist bottom
lLkes muscleboy bottoms GOLD LAME likes muscleboy tops
Starfucker SILVER LAME celebrity
Has / takes videos BLACK VELVET will perform for the camera
Voyeur (likes to watch) WHITE VELVET will put on a show
Has tattoos LEOPARD likes tattoos
Smokes cigars TAN likes cigars
Cuddler TEDDY BEAR cuddlee
Chicken KEWPIE DOLL chicken hawk
Wears a dirty jock DIRTY JOCKSTRAP sucks it clean
Tearoom top (pours) DOILY tearoom bottom (drinks)
Outdoor sex top MOSQUITO NETTING outdoor sex bottom
Bartender COCKTAIL NAPKIN bar groupie
Has a home KEYS IN FRONT has a car
Needs a place to stay KEYS IN BACK looking for a ride
Likes to nibble HOUNDSTOOTH will be bitten
Skinhead top UNION JACK skinhead bottom
New in town CALICO tourists welcome
Bathhouse top TERRYCLOTH bathhouse bottom
Hosting an orgy WHITE/MULTICOLOR DOTS looking for an orgy
A Guide to the New Gay Hankie Code for Personality Traits
http://www.i-out.com/feature/rants/07.07.hankies.html
The Christian Hankie Code
http://www.postfun.com/pfp/features/97/august/hankies.html
*Note: The above pocket placements are for the US only - European flaggers (those who use the hankie code) use the opposite pockets to signify Dominant/Top and submissive/bottom. Be aware when traveling across the pond!
Worn on Left COLOR Worn on Right
Heavy SM top BLACK heavy SM bottom
Bondage top GREY fit to be tied!
Wants head LT BLUE cocksucker
69er ROBIN'S EGG BLUE anything but 69ing
Cop MEDIUM BLUE cop sucker
Fucker NAVY BLUE fuckee
Pilot/flight attendant AIR FORCE BLUE likes flyboys
Sailor LT BLUE / WHITE STRIPE lookin' for salty seamen
Cock & ball torturer TEAL BLUE cock & ball torturee
fist fucker RED fist fuckee
Cuts MAROON bleeds
2-handed fister MARK RED 2-handed fistee
Dildo fucker LIGHT PINK dildo fuckee
Tit torturer DARK PINK tit torturee
Into navel worshippers MAUVE has a navel fetish
Suck my pits MAGENTA armpit freak
Piercer PURPLE piercee
Likes drag queens LAVENDER drag queen
Pisser / water sports YELLOW piss freak
Spits PALE YELLOW drool crazy
Hung 8" or more MUSTARD wants a big one
Two looking for one GOLD one looking for two
Anything anytime ORANGE nothing now (cruising)
Two tons o' fun APRICOT chubby chaser
Suck my toes CORAL shrimper
A cowboy RUST his horse
Spanker FUSCHIA spankee
Hustler (for rent) KELLY GREEN john (looking to buy)
Daddy HUNTER GREEN orphan boy looking for daddy
Military top OLIVE DRAB military bottom
Dines off tricks (food) LIME GREEN dinner plate
Rimmer BEIGE rimmee
Scat top BROWN scat bottom
Uncut BROWN LACE likes uncut
Cut BROWN SATIN likes cut
Latex fetish top CHARCOAL latex fetish bottom
Actually owns a suit GREY FLANNEL likes men in suits
Beat my meat WHITE I'll do us both
Milker HOLSTEIN milkee
Comes in scumbags CREAM sucks it out
Safe sex top BLACK / WHITE CHECK safe sex bottom
Shaver RED / WHITE STRIPE shavee
Furry bear RED / BLACK STRIPE likes bears
Likes white bottoms WHITE LACE likes white tops
Likes black bottoms BLACK / WHITE STRIPE likes black tops
Likes Latino bottoms BROWN / WHITE STRIPE likes latino tops
Likes Asian bottoms YELLOW / WHITE STRIPE likes asian tops
Enjoys ravishment/'rape' play ORANGE / BLACK STRIPES looking to be ravished or 'raped'
Likes white suckers LT BLUE / WHITE DOTS likes to suck whites
Likes black suckers LT BLUE / BLACK DOTS likes to suck blacks
Likes Latino suckers LT BLUE / BROWN DOTS likes to suck latinos
Likes Asian suckers LT BLUE / YELLOW DOTS likes to suck asians
Park sex top RED / WHITE GINGHAM park sex bottom
Headmaster BROWN CORDUROY student
Wears boxer shorts PAISLEY likes boxer shorts
Bestialist top FUR bestialist bottom
lLkes muscleboy bottoms GOLD LAME likes muscleboy tops
Starfucker SILVER LAME celebrity
Has / takes videos BLACK VELVET will perform for the camera
Voyeur (likes to watch) WHITE VELVET will put on a show
Has tattoos LEOPARD likes tattoos
Smokes cigars TAN likes cigars
Cuddler TEDDY BEAR cuddlee
Chicken KEWPIE DOLL chicken hawk
Wears a dirty jock DIRTY JOCKSTRAP sucks it clean
Tearoom top (pours) DOILY tearoom bottom (drinks)
Outdoor sex top MOSQUITO NETTING outdoor sex bottom
Bartender COCKTAIL NAPKIN bar groupie
Has a home KEYS IN FRONT has a car
Needs a place to stay KEYS IN BACK looking for a ride
Likes to nibble HOUNDSTOOTH will be bitten
Skinhead top UNION JACK skinhead bottom
New in town CALICO tourists welcome
Bathhouse top TERRYCLOTH bathhouse bottom
Hosting an orgy WHITE/MULTICOLOR DOTS looking for an orgy
A Guide to the New Gay Hankie Code for Personality Traits
http://www.i-out.com/feature/rants/07.07.hankies.html
The Christian Hankie Code
http://www.postfun.com/pfp/features/97/august/hankies.html
lundi 16 mars 2009
BDSM Purity test - a questionaire
The 100 point Bondage/Dominance Sadism/Masochism purity test
version 1.0 by friday@circus.com - copy and distribute freelyThis test rates your BDSM purity (and to some degree, your sexual purity (even better, it rates your kink purity)). The majority of these 100 questions assume that you have had an introduction to the world of bondage, dominance and sadomasochism. For the purposes of this test, sex is defined as one or more of the following: intercourse, oral sex, or anal sex. Digital sex doesn't count - you have to draw the line somewhere.
Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes"
Have you ever...
vendredi 13 mars 2009
Join My World
I'm Lovingly Sadistic & Demanding. If you squirm for me I'll give you more of what you crave.
I would love to live this lifestyle 24/7 but I do have a corporate job that has me submitting to it.
This causes my mood to change from day to day...
I may be in a mommie mood and cater to my adult babies & children, I may be in an angry mood where my masochist get the best from me, I'm always in a creative sadistic mood where I just want to be worshiped and appreciated.
join My World when you get a chance, you will definitely enjoy your time spent in my presence.
I would love to live this lifestyle 24/7 but I do have a corporate job that has me submitting to it.
This causes my mood to change from day to day...
I may be in a mommie mood and cater to my adult babies & children, I may be in an angry mood where my masochist get the best from me, I'm always in a creative sadistic mood where I just want to be worshiped and appreciated.
join My World when you get a chance, you will definitely enjoy your time spent in my presence.
vendredi 27 février 2009
Do Sadists and Masochists naturally go together?
a conversation taken from one of my favorite sites....FetLife. What's your opinion?
colosunshinegirl: started this discussion
In a thread yesterday, a response back to me caught me off guard, and made me question some basic assumptions I had made regarding the Sadist and Masochist interaction.
The statement was: Sadists don't like playing with Masochists, they would prefer the person they play with not be a Masochist, since a Masochist enjoys pain. A true Sadist prefers a person who does not like pain, that it gives them a bigger thrill to hurt someone who does not like pain.
So - to all you Sadists out there? Do you have a preference? Does it make a difference to you? and to you Masochists a separate question - While maybe we all agree that a Masochist needs pain, do you equate the pain you receive with pleasure or is pain something you need to experience to find release, redemption, etc.
For example - I don't equate pain with pleasure. I endure the pain, I live for the sting and bite of the whip and paddle, but I don't "enjoy" it. I've not bothered to analyze if I'm trying to punish myself, or if I'm trying to rid my psyche of some prior wrong, I only know that I need the pain. That my Sadist Dom loves to hurt me is just an added benefit.
DragonHunter responded:
I think that I prefer a masochist because it is mutual pleasure and consensual.
I understand it is more fun to torture someone that is not enjoying it but most masochists should know that the play of not enjoying it heightens the experience for the Sadistic.
I would not enjoy it if someone were not showing any sign of pain at all.
Itami responded:
masochist: "hurt me!"
sadist: "no."
colosunshinegirl responded:
@Itami - you made me really smile for the first time today, thank you very much!
pet2serve responded 1 day ago:
Well pain for me is both, a emotional and physical release. Sometimes I can get to the pleasure point, and sometimes not. It depends on toys used, where my head is at that day etc. After I have really intense pain, I am calmer, more at ease in my daily life for a long period of time before my body "needs" it...but it is not always orgasmic.
hps_sterling responded:
In my ideal world, I would meet someone who would beg me to punish them until I was done and then scream, wail, and cry the whole time. They are not a masochist.
I play with masochists because they can often take a much greater amount and duration of pain. I usually can play harder faster too.
SirMarksALot responded:
Perhaps there is a pun here regarding "like". I doubt that a really painful experience is TOTALLY wonderful even to a pain slut. But aspects of it might be, or the feeling afterwards might be.
I think of it kind of like a long-distance run. The endorphins are nice, but the muscle pain and chest pain are not always intrinsically wonderful, at least in the moment. But the soreness the next day is really nice. You feel as if you've really USED the machine that was given to you at birth.
For me, the thrill is in making a girl suffer, watching her lose control, composure, dignity, and end up struggling and crying and begging and pleading for the thing to stop. If, afterwards, we both cuddle and she thanks me for taking her there, then she "liked" it, even if, in the moment, she hated it.
Confusing? Yes. Contradictory? Yes. Have I found a girl who can do this with/for me? Not in a long while, and even she was not able to endure this in a long term relationship. Are the things that I desire in a partner attainable, realistic? I have no idea.
But I am not sure that "like" is a simple as you originally stated.
Leatherist responded:
If someone enjoys suffering too much, I probably will not. A service top and a masochist are probably a better combination over all.
colosunshinegirl responded:
@SirMarksALot - you very eloquently described how I interact with my Dom. At times I hate what he is doing, I cry, I cringe, I try to shield my body at times, sometimes I want to throw up, and then the bastard throws in a little tenderness, a little softness, playing my body like a fine instrument, only to turn on a dime and cause me excruciating pain. In the end I love him more than when we started, and looking back I like what he did.
Bane responded:
In my ideal fantasy a girl who is not a masochist submits to me for hard masochistic play. Consent is agreed upon beforehand, with a 'limits but no safeword' arrangement.
If she agreed....
Damn, that would be hot.
But it really is just a fantasy, and would never, ever happen in a situation where I wouldn't question their mental capabilities.
Leatherist responded:
There are submissive women who have a love hate thing with pain and degredation.They get off on taking it in service-or just taking it for the fact that it DOES feel like non consent to them-paradoxically-they consent-how strange is that to the uninformed? Are they a little crazy?
I dunno,maybe fun would be a better word. If I don't have to sleep with one eye open after the fact-it's all good.
sweetmagic responded:
@SirMarksALot - for confusing and contradictory that really did make a lot of sense.
MasterDoug responded:
If you look at some of the pictures others have posted of my work, you would see that I definately qualify as a sadist. However, I enjoy playing with masochists as well as girl who accept pain as a service. Both of them react, in different ways, but reaction is what I'm looking for. I am the cat and they are the mouse. I doubt that every mouse reacts the same to being attacked, but the cat always enjoys playing with the mouse. Only when its finally dead, does the cat walk away, or leave it on your pillow to show you how much fun he had.
I enjoy that the girl enjoyed the pain, or I can enjoy that she just survived it for my pleasure, which gives her satisfaction. It is not legal in our society to torture someone who is not doing it consentually. We deem those people to be "sick", and rightly so.
Being a sadist or a masochist is no longer deemed to be an illness, as it once was. The Marque gave it a bad name, its up to us to show that we can be such and still function to bring pleasure to ourselves and others.
You might ask, would I ever torture someone or hold them without their permission? In my dreams, yes, but never in reallity. I value my freedom too much to bring that fantasy to fruition.
SammiSui responded:
Pain for me usually equals pleasure. But it also depends on my mood and what is being done to me.
jayet responded:
well lets face it don't opposites attract
FatalSynn responded:
Yes but kidnap or torture role play can definitely be a reality.
Larabys_Lair responded:
My slavegirl angel is not a 'pain is pleasure' slave. She will tell me pain is pain and it hurts. Does it make her orgasm sometimes? Yes. I don't know how or why, but it does. The more pain, the more likely she will cum for me.
On the other hand, I have played with some bottom who were so stoic about what was happening to them, I thought they might well fall asleep with my bullwhip shredding their flesh to strips. It did nothing to turn me on.
So, on the whole, I'd prefer a non-masochistic bottom. They feed that thing (beast) within me that hungers for their reaction.
Call me LL
girlserveshim responded:
Sometimes I feel guilty going into subspace for this very reason.
I guess (and I've been told) that you have to trust that the sadist is getting what they want from the scene. Or else they wouldn't be there.
Hit-n-Run responded:
This comes up often, the question of suitability of a maso as a partner for a sadist. I know some who do identify as maso or painsluts, and for the most part though they seek the pain, it is not always enjoyable in itself. Therefore, the sadist still enjoys inflicting his evil will on the maso, even though she asks for or desires it. I think the people who actually experience pain as pleasure are few and rare, and are wired differently. @ Bane - Why only fantasy and why question her mental stability? I myself identify as sub/slave, and don't consider myself at a maso or pain bottom, yet I am powerfully attracted to sadists. Not necessarily WHAT they do, but the fact that they want or need to do them. That it is who they are. Turns me on something fierce, so naturally, to be able to play with those who attract me, I must endure some discomfort;) I have put myself in just the situation you described. With my first Dom/sadist. We had a no limits no safeword agreement during two days of incarceration. I asked for it not because I am a maso, but because I wanted to be witness to, and get off on his unmasked sadist. It went well, I would do it again, and I am not remotely unhinged. (Says me;)
theMasterBaiter responded:
There are sadists and then there are sadists. In my mind, there are true sadists and there are hateful sadistic bastards, but I'm sure they will tell you that there are wannabe wimp sadists and then the true sadists... There should be two different words.
I would never want to hurt anyone who doesn't want to be hurt, except perhaps if we hope they can be taught to enjoy pain. If that makes me less than a true sadist, then I'm happy to take that label. On the other hand, if a masochist needs to be beaten to within a bloody inch of permanent damage, I would be more than happy to oblige.
It just doesn't make any sense at all to me to do things with other people that they don't want to do. All that is going to get you is a bad reputation, one time partners who never return, and quite possibly a trip to jail.
SeeingRed responded:
For me, I love to see someone push through the pain, accept it, and love it for what it is. When you really think about it, pain is the body's natural response to afflition and injury, and for someone to take all that I can give and truly take something away from it, it's pushing beyond the norm of what a person should do. I don't know if I could find those qualities in a person that wasn't a masochist.
MzSally responded:
I prefer playing with masochists because I like to give physical pleasure. I don't play with boys who say "I'll take it from you, mistress, but only to please you" or something like that. It may indeed please them to please me, but I get off on knowing my skills are appreciated and adored, not simply endured.
ginny81265 responded:
i define myself as a masochist, however i dont consider the pain to be pleasurable per se...it hurts, i cry, whimper, etc...i try to be stoic and endure...i take it because it pleases my partner to hurt me and his cruelty makes me respect him and it also reinforces my place beneath him...i also jokingly say "i always considered myself a masochist, that is before i met a true sadist" LOL
@Seeingred i agree with what you say about pushing through the pain, accepting it, processing it and also being pushed to take more...it's a journey and i think that perhaps as a masochist i feel like a warrior in some respects, the more i can take , the stronger i feel and the more enpowering it is on one hand...and yet it's also the physical strength and violence that make me feel vulnerable and submissive on the other hand...very complex emotions are tied into pain for me
TalaBrandeis responded:
I only play with folks who want to be hurt physically, those who enjoy pain. Anyone else is working submission into the mix and that's different in my book. I appreciate those who take responsibility for their actions in ways that let me know their physical needs and limits. All else are mind games and there's plenty enough of that dross in most relationships to last multiple lifetimes.
When it comes to being a sadist I want to enjoy the pleasure of another adult who's fully aware. Therapy in S/M play seems strange to me. Most folks who know me would tell you I'm simple like that...
For those who push mind games, one can still express violence with folks who push too hard; but - the ferocity of the reciprocity is often seen as abuse; even if it fulfills an implicit requirement...
Spiderspell responded:
I like both types. I like masochists because in my experience they can usually take more pain than someone who isn't one. I like non-masochists because if they are not enjoying the pain then it's a very nice submission for my pleasure which makes me melt and appreciate the slave even more.
Itami responded:
My sadistic side doesn't care weather or not someone enjoys the pain (mental or physical). Like Spiderspell, I enjoy both. Masochists generally have higher tolerances, which lets me unleash a bit, and the fact they get pleasure from the pain means I get to give both at the same time (being a sadist doesn't mean that you can't enjoy giving pleasure too). Non-masochists I love, because they tend to suffer so well, and it really gets me going to see someone suffering from what I'm doing to them.
Leatherist responded:
I sort of like the ones that tell me what a jerk I am-all the time...for teasing the hell out of them and messing with thier poor little minds. But seem to keep coming back with slippery thighs in spite of all that. ;-)
MasterAnton53 responded:
@MzSally : I totally agree. It's true that a pure sadist would ideally prefer somebody who just hates to be hurt (both physically and emotionally) but BDSM sadists are a bit different from that... My greatest put off is exactly a girl who accondiscend graciously, saying to me she's bearing the pain for my sake; while the thing that gives me the highest thrill is seeing one that reaches her own climax thanks to the pain I'm inflicting to her. Luckily, today there are quite a few of women like that.
Surly_Monk responded:
@MzSally and @MasterAntone53: I agree with you both. I put a lot of effort and time perfecting my techiniques, skills and abilities. I put a lot of thought and creativity in creating the most conducive atmosphere or ambience for the scene or activities my partner and I indulge in. Nothing pleases me more than seeing and knowing that the pain I am creating, combined with the atmosphere, is making a woman/sub/masochist happy.
ClubMasterKurt responded:
Where is the pleasure if I see that who I have in front does not enjoye pain? Such a situation does make me stop and start talking to her and find out why she does not enjoy. I do not throw my whip for the sake of creating pain, but for the reaction it causes.
jangauss responded:
For me, the pain really is pleasure. There's stress release, and all that, but to me those are side benefits. For me it is mainly about enjoying the pain.
(Actually, the spanking (especially the hard slaps) are a whole buffet of emotions; but pleasure is definitely one of them.)
At least that's the way it's been since adolescence. I have always enjoyed fantasizing about spankings (for as long as I can remember, anyways - well before grade 1), but I didn't actually enjoy receiving them till I tried spanking myself at 14.There is something else I get from spanking, but I don't know what. Most pleasures I can take or leave. I can do pleasurable activity "A" or I can do pleasurable activity "B" instead. Not so for spanking. If I go for a while without a spanking, I really crave it. In some ways, it seems like an addiction, but how could that be? The reason I tried spanking myself at 14 - my very first pleasure spanking - was because I was already craving it. Yet I don't know what the important need is that it is filling.
jan
kdarlin44 responded:
i can honestly say from the spankings, floggings etc, received, i do not enjoy the pain while receiving it....though i have been brought to orgasmn by it. i love the rush from it, the teasing and tormenting from talking about it beforehand, and when Master squeezes and scratches his nails over fresh welts afterwards. the threat of receiving more brings me to the brink of cumming. throbbing, sore nipples and clit...yes i need and crave it.
Marius_de_sade responded:
personally I feel that a sadist does not look for a masochist for the simple reason that most sadist do not want the one the are using to enjoy what is being done to them I find someimes for me at least it takes from what I am doing if I have to keep stepping up the play just to push that person to respond as I want them to bottom line for me at least is I hurt people cause I enjoy there pain and feed off it them also enjoying it at least in my personal play is nethier worried about or in most cases wanted just my opinon
MattNC responded:
@colosunshinegirl I don't understand this idea myself - why would I not seek a masochist? Masochists aren't immune to pain, they're just capable of enjoying it. Personally, the more obviously the other guy is into what I'm doing, the more turned on I get.
To me, being a sadist doesn't mean the other person's satisfaction kills my enjoyment - it just means it has to hurt as well.
warmwynter responded:
"Masochists aren't immune to pain, they're just capable of enjoying it." THIS. I love pain, it's pleasurable for me but it still hurts. I don't really push through it, I sort of fall into it. If that makes sense. I let myself feel every tiny detail of each stroke/hit/etc. and lose myself to the sensation. It does provide me with release (usually from tension) and a good session sort of centers me, gives me a clear head (after I come down that is). I mainly do it for pleasure though, there are other bonuses that come with it though. For me there's a lot of healing that goes on through pain. I can't really explain that as it would require some personal history, but it wasn't an intended benefit it just came with it.
Fleshlover responded:
That statement is about as stupid as they come. Internet doms and subs are bad enough, now we have internet sadist. There are no 2 better matches in the world than a Sadists to a Masochists. If I enjoy giving pain, I'm looking for someone who can take a lot of it because I enjoy giving it. If people only knew what they were talking about because they actually lived it, instead of pretending on the internet.
Leatherist responded:
I have an analogy too. We had a famous case here in washington state where a woman driving DRUNK, and tailgating a truck had her eyes taken out by an unfastened piece of plywood that flew off the back or a pickup truck. Came right through her window and nailed her.
Everyone else in the state now faces a thousand plus dollar fine if the get caught not fastening thier loads down properly. But did they make the same sort of law for drunken tailgaters? Nope. Seeing a trend here?
colosunshinegirl responded:
@Fleshlover - I had not thought of the concept of Internet Sadist. In my mind that would be an impossible condition. If someone via an internet conversation told me that I had to hurt myself, the only chance of that actually working would be if I were a Sadomasochist.
I would have to like hurting myself, and if I were capable of carrying both sides of the equation, why the heck would I need someone from Cyberville telling me what to do?
@MattNC - Up until the other day, this was my assumption. Two peas in a pod. Someone causes pain, another likes it, seems like a good match to me.
I have enjoyed all of the various viewpoints though, and it really has provided a very good picture into the world of pain and pleasure. So many shades of preference. Everyone, no matter their kink, is bound to find a match that works for them.
Leatherist responded:
I've had masochists who reacted to pian stimuli wih laughing and giggling and lots of orgasms. I think it confused me. I ended up feeling annoyed. I guess I'm just not wired that way.
kaya responded:
I think the term sadist has been watered down to fit for the purposes of discussion these days. Like so many other terms in bdsm, when applied to what we're all consensually doing with each other, they aren't held to most of their literal meanings.
Leatherist responded:
Shrugs, shades or grey are like unflavored topioca. A Slimy texture with very little to reccomend it.
colosunshinegirl responded:
For all of you that delight in the specificity brought about by definitions - here then is the definition of Sadism and Masochism, according to Merriam-Webster:
Sadism a sexual perversion in which gratification is obtained by the infliction of physical or mental pain on others (as on a love object) a: delight in cruelty b: excessive cruelty
Masochism 1 : a sexual perversion characterized by pleasure in being subjected to pain or humiliation especially by a love object 2 : pleasure in being abused or dominated : a taste for suffering
From the perspective of the definition, it matters not if the other party is enjoying themselves or not. I did find it interesting that they coupled the definitions with the inclusion that the other party be a love interest, lol.
kaya responded:
I can't find anything that specifies the consent or non-consent of the bottom making any difference, as long as the suffering is real.
valentinaSA responded:
What is the point of being a sadist if you cannot break limits with masochists? And what is the point of being a masochist if you cannot keep pushing limits by playing with a sadist? A combination of the two allows both to grow in their experiences.
Punishment is not necessarily pain. A masochist can be punished in other ways - bondage, standing in a corner, sucking on a dummy.. The ideas are endless!
Itami responded:
@Fleshlover
that post is about as stupid as they come. If a sadist enjoys the suffering of others and the masochist is enjoying/finding pleasure in what is done, then the masochist isn't really suffering, and in turn not satisfying the sadist. But then I guess someone would actually have to live this and not just pretend on the net to understand this....
I mean really......
synderella_99 responded:
i find myself in an odd place, not really a masochist or pain slut, maybe a pain bottom? All i can say for sure it that each time i crave more, harder...
and I love a good Service Top but nothing heats my blood like a genuine Sadist..maybe it is that edge thing..a good service Top can make You hurt but has a limit, and you know it...just say the word syn and you are safe..
a Sadist, You can be on your own really quickly and your screams will only heightened His arousal, not that He wouldnt stop on a safe word, but the very scream of that word at the top of your lungs, well expect to see a smile...
i tend to need a really strong Dominant to play with so even though i dont really classify myself as anything but a submissive, i will seek the Sadist...and i will love what He does...all the way to the last screaming REDDDDDD
colosunshinegirl: started this discussion
In a thread yesterday, a response back to me caught me off guard, and made me question some basic assumptions I had made regarding the Sadist and Masochist interaction.
The statement was: Sadists don't like playing with Masochists, they would prefer the person they play with not be a Masochist, since a Masochist enjoys pain. A true Sadist prefers a person who does not like pain, that it gives them a bigger thrill to hurt someone who does not like pain.
So - to all you Sadists out there? Do you have a preference? Does it make a difference to you? and to you Masochists a separate question - While maybe we all agree that a Masochist needs pain, do you equate the pain you receive with pleasure or is pain something you need to experience to find release, redemption, etc.
For example - I don't equate pain with pleasure. I endure the pain, I live for the sting and bite of the whip and paddle, but I don't "enjoy" it. I've not bothered to analyze if I'm trying to punish myself, or if I'm trying to rid my psyche of some prior wrong, I only know that I need the pain. That my Sadist Dom loves to hurt me is just an added benefit.
DragonHunter responded:
I think that I prefer a masochist because it is mutual pleasure and consensual.
I understand it is more fun to torture someone that is not enjoying it but most masochists should know that the play of not enjoying it heightens the experience for the Sadistic.
I would not enjoy it if someone were not showing any sign of pain at all.
Itami responded:
masochist: "hurt me!"
sadist: "no."
colosunshinegirl responded:
@Itami - you made me really smile for the first time today, thank you very much!
pet2serve responded 1 day ago:
Well pain for me is both, a emotional and physical release. Sometimes I can get to the pleasure point, and sometimes not. It depends on toys used, where my head is at that day etc. After I have really intense pain, I am calmer, more at ease in my daily life for a long period of time before my body "needs" it...but it is not always orgasmic.
hps_sterling responded:
In my ideal world, I would meet someone who would beg me to punish them until I was done and then scream, wail, and cry the whole time. They are not a masochist.
I play with masochists because they can often take a much greater amount and duration of pain. I usually can play harder faster too.
SirMarksALot responded:
Perhaps there is a pun here regarding "like". I doubt that a really painful experience is TOTALLY wonderful even to a pain slut. But aspects of it might be, or the feeling afterwards might be.
I think of it kind of like a long-distance run. The endorphins are nice, but the muscle pain and chest pain are not always intrinsically wonderful, at least in the moment. But the soreness the next day is really nice. You feel as if you've really USED the machine that was given to you at birth.
For me, the thrill is in making a girl suffer, watching her lose control, composure, dignity, and end up struggling and crying and begging and pleading for the thing to stop. If, afterwards, we both cuddle and she thanks me for taking her there, then she "liked" it, even if, in the moment, she hated it.
Confusing? Yes. Contradictory? Yes. Have I found a girl who can do this with/for me? Not in a long while, and even she was not able to endure this in a long term relationship. Are the things that I desire in a partner attainable, realistic? I have no idea.
But I am not sure that "like" is a simple as you originally stated.
Leatherist responded:
If someone enjoys suffering too much, I probably will not. A service top and a masochist are probably a better combination over all.
colosunshinegirl responded:
@SirMarksALot - you very eloquently described how I interact with my Dom. At times I hate what he is doing, I cry, I cringe, I try to shield my body at times, sometimes I want to throw up, and then the bastard throws in a little tenderness, a little softness, playing my body like a fine instrument, only to turn on a dime and cause me excruciating pain. In the end I love him more than when we started, and looking back I like what he did.
Bane responded:
In my ideal fantasy a girl who is not a masochist submits to me for hard masochistic play. Consent is agreed upon beforehand, with a 'limits but no safeword' arrangement.
If she agreed....
Damn, that would be hot.
But it really is just a fantasy, and would never, ever happen in a situation where I wouldn't question their mental capabilities.
Leatherist responded:
There are submissive women who have a love hate thing with pain and degredation.They get off on taking it in service-or just taking it for the fact that it DOES feel like non consent to them-paradoxically-they consent-how strange is that to the uninformed? Are they a little crazy?
I dunno,maybe fun would be a better word. If I don't have to sleep with one eye open after the fact-it's all good.
sweetmagic responded:
@SirMarksALot - for confusing and contradictory that really did make a lot of sense.
MasterDoug responded:
If you look at some of the pictures others have posted of my work, you would see that I definately qualify as a sadist. However, I enjoy playing with masochists as well as girl who accept pain as a service. Both of them react, in different ways, but reaction is what I'm looking for. I am the cat and they are the mouse. I doubt that every mouse reacts the same to being attacked, but the cat always enjoys playing with the mouse. Only when its finally dead, does the cat walk away, or leave it on your pillow to show you how much fun he had.
I enjoy that the girl enjoyed the pain, or I can enjoy that she just survived it for my pleasure, which gives her satisfaction. It is not legal in our society to torture someone who is not doing it consentually. We deem those people to be "sick", and rightly so.
Being a sadist or a masochist is no longer deemed to be an illness, as it once was. The Marque gave it a bad name, its up to us to show that we can be such and still function to bring pleasure to ourselves and others.
You might ask, would I ever torture someone or hold them without their permission? In my dreams, yes, but never in reallity. I value my freedom too much to bring that fantasy to fruition.
SammiSui responded:
Pain for me usually equals pleasure. But it also depends on my mood and what is being done to me.
jayet responded:
well lets face it don't opposites attract
FatalSynn responded:
Yes but kidnap or torture role play can definitely be a reality.
Larabys_Lair responded:
My slavegirl angel is not a 'pain is pleasure' slave. She will tell me pain is pain and it hurts. Does it make her orgasm sometimes? Yes. I don't know how or why, but it does. The more pain, the more likely she will cum for me.
On the other hand, I have played with some bottom who were so stoic about what was happening to them, I thought they might well fall asleep with my bullwhip shredding their flesh to strips. It did nothing to turn me on.
So, on the whole, I'd prefer a non-masochistic bottom. They feed that thing (beast) within me that hungers for their reaction.
Call me LL
girlserveshim responded:
Sometimes I feel guilty going into subspace for this very reason.
I guess (and I've been told) that you have to trust that the sadist is getting what they want from the scene. Or else they wouldn't be there.
Hit-n-Run responded:
This comes up often, the question of suitability of a maso as a partner for a sadist. I know some who do identify as maso or painsluts, and for the most part though they seek the pain, it is not always enjoyable in itself. Therefore, the sadist still enjoys inflicting his evil will on the maso, even though she asks for or desires it. I think the people who actually experience pain as pleasure are few and rare, and are wired differently. @ Bane - Why only fantasy and why question her mental stability? I myself identify as sub/slave, and don't consider myself at a maso or pain bottom, yet I am powerfully attracted to sadists. Not necessarily WHAT they do, but the fact that they want or need to do them. That it is who they are. Turns me on something fierce, so naturally, to be able to play with those who attract me, I must endure some discomfort;) I have put myself in just the situation you described. With my first Dom/sadist. We had a no limits no safeword agreement during two days of incarceration. I asked for it not because I am a maso, but because I wanted to be witness to, and get off on his unmasked sadist. It went well, I would do it again, and I am not remotely unhinged. (Says me;)
theMasterBaiter responded:
There are sadists and then there are sadists. In my mind, there are true sadists and there are hateful sadistic bastards, but I'm sure they will tell you that there are wannabe wimp sadists and then the true sadists... There should be two different words.
I would never want to hurt anyone who doesn't want to be hurt, except perhaps if we hope they can be taught to enjoy pain. If that makes me less than a true sadist, then I'm happy to take that label. On the other hand, if a masochist needs to be beaten to within a bloody inch of permanent damage, I would be more than happy to oblige.
It just doesn't make any sense at all to me to do things with other people that they don't want to do. All that is going to get you is a bad reputation, one time partners who never return, and quite possibly a trip to jail.
SeeingRed responded:
For me, I love to see someone push through the pain, accept it, and love it for what it is. When you really think about it, pain is the body's natural response to afflition and injury, and for someone to take all that I can give and truly take something away from it, it's pushing beyond the norm of what a person should do. I don't know if I could find those qualities in a person that wasn't a masochist.
MzSally responded:
I prefer playing with masochists because I like to give physical pleasure. I don't play with boys who say "I'll take it from you, mistress, but only to please you" or something like that. It may indeed please them to please me, but I get off on knowing my skills are appreciated and adored, not simply endured.
ginny81265 responded:
i define myself as a masochist, however i dont consider the pain to be pleasurable per se...it hurts, i cry, whimper, etc...i try to be stoic and endure...i take it because it pleases my partner to hurt me and his cruelty makes me respect him and it also reinforces my place beneath him...i also jokingly say "i always considered myself a masochist, that is before i met a true sadist" LOL
@Seeingred i agree with what you say about pushing through the pain, accepting it, processing it and also being pushed to take more...it's a journey and i think that perhaps as a masochist i feel like a warrior in some respects, the more i can take , the stronger i feel and the more enpowering it is on one hand...and yet it's also the physical strength and violence that make me feel vulnerable and submissive on the other hand...very complex emotions are tied into pain for me
TalaBrandeis responded:
I only play with folks who want to be hurt physically, those who enjoy pain. Anyone else is working submission into the mix and that's different in my book. I appreciate those who take responsibility for their actions in ways that let me know their physical needs and limits. All else are mind games and there's plenty enough of that dross in most relationships to last multiple lifetimes.
When it comes to being a sadist I want to enjoy the pleasure of another adult who's fully aware. Therapy in S/M play seems strange to me. Most folks who know me would tell you I'm simple like that...
For those who push mind games, one can still express violence with folks who push too hard; but - the ferocity of the reciprocity is often seen as abuse; even if it fulfills an implicit requirement...
Spiderspell responded:
I like both types. I like masochists because in my experience they can usually take more pain than someone who isn't one. I like non-masochists because if they are not enjoying the pain then it's a very nice submission for my pleasure which makes me melt and appreciate the slave even more.
Itami responded:
My sadistic side doesn't care weather or not someone enjoys the pain (mental or physical). Like Spiderspell, I enjoy both. Masochists generally have higher tolerances, which lets me unleash a bit, and the fact they get pleasure from the pain means I get to give both at the same time (being a sadist doesn't mean that you can't enjoy giving pleasure too). Non-masochists I love, because they tend to suffer so well, and it really gets me going to see someone suffering from what I'm doing to them.
Leatherist responded:
I sort of like the ones that tell me what a jerk I am-all the time...for teasing the hell out of them and messing with thier poor little minds. But seem to keep coming back with slippery thighs in spite of all that. ;-)
MasterAnton53 responded:
@MzSally : I totally agree. It's true that a pure sadist would ideally prefer somebody who just hates to be hurt (both physically and emotionally) but BDSM sadists are a bit different from that... My greatest put off is exactly a girl who accondiscend graciously, saying to me she's bearing the pain for my sake; while the thing that gives me the highest thrill is seeing one that reaches her own climax thanks to the pain I'm inflicting to her. Luckily, today there are quite a few of women like that.
Surly_Monk responded:
@MzSally and @MasterAntone53: I agree with you both. I put a lot of effort and time perfecting my techiniques, skills and abilities. I put a lot of thought and creativity in creating the most conducive atmosphere or ambience for the scene or activities my partner and I indulge in. Nothing pleases me more than seeing and knowing that the pain I am creating, combined with the atmosphere, is making a woman/sub/masochist happy.
ClubMasterKurt responded:
Where is the pleasure if I see that who I have in front does not enjoye pain? Such a situation does make me stop and start talking to her and find out why she does not enjoy. I do not throw my whip for the sake of creating pain, but for the reaction it causes.
jangauss responded:
For me, the pain really is pleasure. There's stress release, and all that, but to me those are side benefits. For me it is mainly about enjoying the pain.
(Actually, the spanking (especially the hard slaps) are a whole buffet of emotions; but pleasure is definitely one of them.)
At least that's the way it's been since adolescence. I have always enjoyed fantasizing about spankings (for as long as I can remember, anyways - well before grade 1), but I didn't actually enjoy receiving them till I tried spanking myself at 14.There is something else I get from spanking, but I don't know what. Most pleasures I can take or leave. I can do pleasurable activity "A" or I can do pleasurable activity "B" instead. Not so for spanking. If I go for a while without a spanking, I really crave it. In some ways, it seems like an addiction, but how could that be? The reason I tried spanking myself at 14 - my very first pleasure spanking - was because I was already craving it. Yet I don't know what the important need is that it is filling.
jan
kdarlin44 responded:
i can honestly say from the spankings, floggings etc, received, i do not enjoy the pain while receiving it....though i have been brought to orgasmn by it. i love the rush from it, the teasing and tormenting from talking about it beforehand, and when Master squeezes and scratches his nails over fresh welts afterwards. the threat of receiving more brings me to the brink of cumming. throbbing, sore nipples and clit...yes i need and crave it.
Marius_de_sade responded:
personally I feel that a sadist does not look for a masochist for the simple reason that most sadist do not want the one the are using to enjoy what is being done to them I find someimes for me at least it takes from what I am doing if I have to keep stepping up the play just to push that person to respond as I want them to bottom line for me at least is I hurt people cause I enjoy there pain and feed off it them also enjoying it at least in my personal play is nethier worried about or in most cases wanted just my opinon
MattNC responded:
@colosunshinegirl I don't understand this idea myself - why would I not seek a masochist? Masochists aren't immune to pain, they're just capable of enjoying it. Personally, the more obviously the other guy is into what I'm doing, the more turned on I get.
To me, being a sadist doesn't mean the other person's satisfaction kills my enjoyment - it just means it has to hurt as well.
warmwynter responded:
"Masochists aren't immune to pain, they're just capable of enjoying it." THIS. I love pain, it's pleasurable for me but it still hurts. I don't really push through it, I sort of fall into it. If that makes sense. I let myself feel every tiny detail of each stroke/hit/etc. and lose myself to the sensation. It does provide me with release (usually from tension) and a good session sort of centers me, gives me a clear head (after I come down that is). I mainly do it for pleasure though, there are other bonuses that come with it though. For me there's a lot of healing that goes on through pain. I can't really explain that as it would require some personal history, but it wasn't an intended benefit it just came with it.
Fleshlover responded:
That statement is about as stupid as they come. Internet doms and subs are bad enough, now we have internet sadist. There are no 2 better matches in the world than a Sadists to a Masochists. If I enjoy giving pain, I'm looking for someone who can take a lot of it because I enjoy giving it. If people only knew what they were talking about because they actually lived it, instead of pretending on the internet.
Leatherist responded:
I have an analogy too. We had a famous case here in washington state where a woman driving DRUNK, and tailgating a truck had her eyes taken out by an unfastened piece of plywood that flew off the back or a pickup truck. Came right through her window and nailed her.
Everyone else in the state now faces a thousand plus dollar fine if the get caught not fastening thier loads down properly. But did they make the same sort of law for drunken tailgaters? Nope. Seeing a trend here?
colosunshinegirl responded:
@Fleshlover - I had not thought of the concept of Internet Sadist. In my mind that would be an impossible condition. If someone via an internet conversation told me that I had to hurt myself, the only chance of that actually working would be if I were a Sadomasochist.
I would have to like hurting myself, and if I were capable of carrying both sides of the equation, why the heck would I need someone from Cyberville telling me what to do?
@MattNC - Up until the other day, this was my assumption. Two peas in a pod. Someone causes pain, another likes it, seems like a good match to me.
I have enjoyed all of the various viewpoints though, and it really has provided a very good picture into the world of pain and pleasure. So many shades of preference. Everyone, no matter their kink, is bound to find a match that works for them.
Leatherist responded:
I've had masochists who reacted to pian stimuli wih laughing and giggling and lots of orgasms. I think it confused me. I ended up feeling annoyed. I guess I'm just not wired that way.
kaya responded:
I think the term sadist has been watered down to fit for the purposes of discussion these days. Like so many other terms in bdsm, when applied to what we're all consensually doing with each other, they aren't held to most of their literal meanings.
Leatherist responded:
Shrugs, shades or grey are like unflavored topioca. A Slimy texture with very little to reccomend it.
colosunshinegirl responded:
For all of you that delight in the specificity brought about by definitions - here then is the definition of Sadism and Masochism, according to Merriam-Webster:
Sadism a sexual perversion in which gratification is obtained by the infliction of physical or mental pain on others (as on a love object) a: delight in cruelty b: excessive cruelty
Masochism 1 : a sexual perversion characterized by pleasure in being subjected to pain or humiliation especially by a love object 2 : pleasure in being abused or dominated : a taste for suffering
From the perspective of the definition, it matters not if the other party is enjoying themselves or not. I did find it interesting that they coupled the definitions with the inclusion that the other party be a love interest, lol.
kaya responded:
I can't find anything that specifies the consent or non-consent of the bottom making any difference, as long as the suffering is real.
valentinaSA responded:
What is the point of being a sadist if you cannot break limits with masochists? And what is the point of being a masochist if you cannot keep pushing limits by playing with a sadist? A combination of the two allows both to grow in their experiences.
Punishment is not necessarily pain. A masochist can be punished in other ways - bondage, standing in a corner, sucking on a dummy.. The ideas are endless!
Itami responded:
@Fleshlover
that post is about as stupid as they come. If a sadist enjoys the suffering of others and the masochist is enjoying/finding pleasure in what is done, then the masochist isn't really suffering, and in turn not satisfying the sadist. But then I guess someone would actually have to live this and not just pretend on the net to understand this....
I mean really......
synderella_99 responded:
i find myself in an odd place, not really a masochist or pain slut, maybe a pain bottom? All i can say for sure it that each time i crave more, harder...
and I love a good Service Top but nothing heats my blood like a genuine Sadist..maybe it is that edge thing..a good service Top can make You hurt but has a limit, and you know it...just say the word syn and you are safe..
a Sadist, You can be on your own really quickly and your screams will only heightened His arousal, not that He wouldnt stop on a safe word, but the very scream of that word at the top of your lungs, well expect to see a smile...
i tend to need a really strong Dominant to play with so even though i dont really classify myself as anything but a submissive, i will seek the Sadist...and i will love what He does...all the way to the last screaming REDDDDDD
dimanche 22 février 2009
jeudi 12 février 2009
a submissives thought
Bondage is a form of homage: trusting your owner, to take away my freedom, make refusal impossible.
Recapitulating some of the things I've said earlier about bondage:
Bondage becomes more potent as it becomes more degrading or limiting.
Objectifying bondage, having your testicles bound, makes you lowly.
Having your arms bound to your neck emphasizes your bodily vulnerability.
Restriction of movement makes your helplessness more concrete.
Uncomfortable bondage is as inescapable reminder of your status.
Embarrassing bondage leaves you a toy for the amusement of your owner, e.g., left ankle bound to right wrist.
Each of these conditions in some way emphasizes slavery but no one seems inherently affecting than the other.
Being put in a closet - or more emphatically - something like a large box, perhaps with or without chains seems potentially mind-altering. Whether taking me more deeply into slave space or punishing I'm not sure.
Being locked in a cage would probably be my 'dream' bondage. Being able to see outside the cage but separate for it would knock me into the most surrendered, helpless state I can imagine.
Recapitulating some of the things I've said earlier about bondage:
Bondage becomes more potent as it becomes more degrading or limiting.
Objectifying bondage, having your testicles bound, makes you lowly.
Having your arms bound to your neck emphasizes your bodily vulnerability.
Restriction of movement makes your helplessness more concrete.
Uncomfortable bondage is as inescapable reminder of your status.
Embarrassing bondage leaves you a toy for the amusement of your owner, e.g., left ankle bound to right wrist.
Each of these conditions in some way emphasizes slavery but no one seems inherently affecting than the other.
Being put in a closet - or more emphatically - something like a large box, perhaps with or without chains seems potentially mind-altering. Whether taking me more deeply into slave space or punishing I'm not sure.
Being locked in a cage would probably be my 'dream' bondage. Being able to see outside the cage but separate for it would knock me into the most surrendered, helpless state I can imagine.
mercredi 11 février 2009
lundi 2 février 2009
Masochistic Fantasies
It's the ultimate break from thoroughly modern stresses on the self.
You've got a respectably high-powered job. Maybe it's even visible one. You are regularly making difficult decisions that affect the lives of others, perhaps many others. You need to maintain a highly polished self-image. You like to feel in
personal control. You're constantly advancing your independence, your responsibility, your success.
So how do you take a break? If you're like an unknown number of others, perhaps you've already signed up for a spanking.
Across the country, from sophisticated cities to subdued suburbs, men and women are acting out fantasies of sexual domination and submission. With their own partners or specially hired ones, they're turning to rituals of sadomasochism. To borrow their own favorite term, they've happily become "sex slaves" to their submissive desires.
These are people--a minority of both sexes--who desire to be tied up, handcuffed, gagged, or bound in uncomfortable positions; adults who desire to be whipped or tormented with droplets of hot wax on bare skin. Some write longingly of receiving "an old-fashioned, bare-bottom, over-the-knee spanking." Others desire to be embarrassed, verbally insulted, given commands, made to walk on all fours like a dog, or displayed naked in front of others who are fully clothed.
Maybe you have masochistic fantasies that contain some new kind of sex act. Or a first homosexual experience. Or something highly degrading. And that is exactly the point -- the shocking degree to which you can, with a little imagination,shed your normal self.
The masochist's objective is not to suffer, but to fulfill that human need of letting down your guard and being vulnerable.
You've got a respectably high-powered job. Maybe it's even visible one. You are regularly making difficult decisions that affect the lives of others, perhaps many others. You need to maintain a highly polished self-image. You like to feel in
personal control. You're constantly advancing your independence, your responsibility, your success.
So how do you take a break? If you're like an unknown number of others, perhaps you've already signed up for a spanking.
Across the country, from sophisticated cities to subdued suburbs, men and women are acting out fantasies of sexual domination and submission. With their own partners or specially hired ones, they're turning to rituals of sadomasochism. To borrow their own favorite term, they've happily become "sex slaves" to their submissive desires.
These are people--a minority of both sexes--who desire to be tied up, handcuffed, gagged, or bound in uncomfortable positions; adults who desire to be whipped or tormented with droplets of hot wax on bare skin. Some write longingly of receiving "an old-fashioned, bare-bottom, over-the-knee spanking." Others desire to be embarrassed, verbally insulted, given commands, made to walk on all fours like a dog, or displayed naked in front of others who are fully clothed.
Maybe you have masochistic fantasies that contain some new kind of sex act. Or a first homosexual experience. Or something highly degrading. And that is exactly the point -- the shocking degree to which you can, with a little imagination,shed your normal self.
The masochist's objective is not to suffer, but to fulfill that human need of letting down your guard and being vulnerable.
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