Santa Baby

Santa baby,
kick a subbie under the tree, for me
I've been an awful good girl

Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby,
a bound & gagged female subbie too, with tears
I'll wait up for you dear

Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the subbies that I haven't spanked

Next year I could be the Perfect DreamLover operator
If you'd check off my Christmas list
Boo doo bee doo

Santa honey, I wanna Tetruss and really that's
Not a lot
I've been an angel all year

Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, there's one thing I really do need,
an E-Stim 302R which is a remote control shocker with several modes and shock wave variations

Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, I'm filling my stocking with a submissive contract and collar
Sign your 'X' on the line
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Locked in Steel
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me
Boo doo bee doo

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing,
Bend over Santa and I'll give you a thrill
with my 12 inch strap on dildo.

Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight


Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight

Below are theories on different types of love.

Rubin's book, Liking and Loving, explains the similarities and differences between to the two emotions. Hatfield expressed the idea of companionate love verses passionate love. Lee described the three primary love styles in his book, The Colors of Love, and Sternberg founded his triangular theory of love.

Rubin
- Liking vs. Loving
- Love has three elements
- Attachment
- Desire to be with each other, physical contact, approval
- Caring
- Put the other person before you; sacrifice yourself for the sake of the other person
- Intimacy
- Bond between individuals, connection
- Liking is only when we think the person earns our respect, good morals



Hatfield
- Companionate vs. passionate love
- Passionate Love
- Longing to be with the other, physiological aroused
- Can be positive, if both feel the same way, or negative, if one disagrees
- Companionate Love
- Affection for those who we are close to
- Both partners must have the same feelings towards each other for this kind of love to work and be positive
- Passionate love and companionate love both existing in the same relationship may be impossible



Lee
- Color wheel of love styles
- Three primary love styles
- Eros- Love an ideal person
- Ludus- Love as a game
- Storge- Love as a friendship
- These primary loves can combine to one another to make different secondary loves
- Eros + Ludus will equal Mania or obsessive love
- Ludus + Storge will equal Pragma pr realistic and practical love
- Eros + Storge will equal Agape or dutiful and selfless love
- There are also nine more possible loves that are made by combining primary loves to secondary loves


Sternberg
- Triangle theory of love
- Three components to love
- Intimacy
- Sharing thoughts, emotions, stories, communication
- Passion
- Sexually aroused, attraction
- Commitment
- Maintain relationship, nourish loving feelings
- When all are present they will make consummate love
- Hardly ever happens
- Usually only one or two components are strongly emphasized in a relationship
- Also the some components can become weaker and others can become stronger to change the

Happy Holidays!

Enjoy your holiday sessions!

Those who put in request for spankings....smiles...I aquired holiday themed items for My enjoyment.

Thoughts on navigating through the casual dating world…

"I used to think it was weird to date more than one person at a time, since I’ve only experienced serial monogamy.

I realize that for some people, non-exclusive dating, or dating several people can be a great way to date. It’s a great way to get to know a lot of different people to learn more about the opposite sex, yourself, and basically enrich your life by engaging in regular one-on-one interactions with the opposite sex.


Here’s how to do it without creating drama:


1. Make it clear to everyone you’re dating that you’re not looking for a serious/exclusive relationship at this time. You’re out dating to get to know people…

You want to do this without leading people on. And the way to do that is to be clear about your intent.


2. This piece of advice was from my coworker Ken, who knows from experience how casual dating works: Don’t hang out with them more than once a week, twice MAX.

The reason for this is because people naturally make this association:

time devoted= level of commitment

Even if you don’t verbalize commitment, someone could still get hurt because they will see that you’re spending a lot of time with them. They might come to the conclusion that you are only seeing them. Of course no one should ever make that conclusion without the other party actually saying something about wanting to be exclusive, but people’s natural tendency is to think, “We have something special here,” aka, he/she couldn’t possibly have this same kind of interaction with someone else!


3. Other than mentioning that you are dating casually/non-exclusively to get to know a lot of people, DON’T mention your other dates!

They really don’t need to know any details about any of the other people you are seeing. Make sure they are your focus when you are with them. It’s just good practice, common courtesy, and respect for their feelings.


4. As soon as you realize that someone is no longer a candidate you would consider pursuing an exclusive relationship with after getting to know them better, STOP DATING THEM.

Don’t lead them on. Let them be free to explore their other options. Maybe you’re not that into her. You don’t know what she’s going through. What you do know is that she still wants to see you, so you can guage from that, that there is still a romantic interest. Let her go.

It’s only fair. If you know you would no longer desire to possibly see them exclusively in the future, let them go. If you are a guy, just stop asking the girl out. If you’re a woman, when he asks you out again, just say, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to pursue this any further. You are a great person, and there is a great person out there for you, but I don’t see this moving forward.”

If they ask, “Why?” you don’t have to answer that question. All you have to say is, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to get into it. Good luck though.”

Band aid approach. WAY better than stringing someone along and then dropping them when they’ve already fallen hard for you." from the website "Dating Advice from a Girl"

I read this some where...

The benefits for women in Female Led Relationship

Women and men will get benefits from a female led relationship. They may either share benefits or have specific benefits for the women or the man. Of course the chief benefit is growing a relation towards your ideals and working together to get there.
"If you look at FLR it looks like the safest relationship a woman can have. She makes the rules, she sets the boundaries, she has final say and he both loves her and supports her in her role. In any other relationship women do not enjoy that kind of freedom or safety. This is a functional model for any woman who wants more control and less strife. There should be zero downside to female led relationships when entered into with open eyes and a whole heart between two people who love each other." -- A BBS entry from Asserting leadership

A varied and interesting sex life.
As much control over your relationship, him and your life together as you want.
Being able to be bitchy, angry and condescending without conflict.
Becoming a better lover to your mate.
Build a formal relationship agreement.
Expanding your leadership as you please.
Expanding your sex life as you please.
Get him to do as much of the housework as you like.
Greater respect from your mate.
Growing confidence as a leader.
Having a more confident man who knows the drill.
Helping him to become a better lover.
Helping him to improve his health and well being.
Helping him to stop bad habits.
Indulging in your kinks and his as you choose.
More intimacy as desired.
Nurturing as much or as little as you want.
Pampering from your man and receiving as much as you want.
Promoting togetherness, connection and relationship longevity.
Satisfaction of pleasing your lover.
Teach and create change as much as you want.
Work towards goals together.
The benefits for men in FLR
Indulge your fantasies.
Surrender to female authority.
Get closer to your mate by serving her body.
Become a better lover to your mate.
Remain confident by knowing the rules and consequences.
Knowing her expectations.
Express your willingness to submit.
Learning new things.
Helped in becoming a better lover.
Bring harmony to your family by serving.
Stop bad habits.
Encourage your mate as a successful leader.
Help normalize female led relationships.
Learn greater intimacy, connection and vulnerability.
Promote togetherness, connection and relationship longevity.
Work towards goals together.

Getting the benefits you want
Set up your benefits as relationship goals by making hard and fast rules and traditions in your relationship agreement. You may need to negotiate trade offs. We recommend women be steadfast about not doing things that are just not in her nature. She should claim those things she wants for her man because that kind of position is good leadership.

Why would a man wear a chastity device?

I found this list to be very entertaining....smiles**

"The average man would immediately reject the notion of wearing such a device, as it represents both a loss of something dearly important, as well as unnecessary and uncomfortable. But after the initial reaction, some men become curious. Men who think they may have a sexual-related problem and/or a submissive nature sometimes will look at these as something of a solution, or something exciting that could add to their relationship. Once a man realizes that wearing the device is totally voluntary, curiosity could lead to giving it a try.

Based on feedback from our customers, the reasons include:

Needed to help restore trust in a relationship with your wife or life partner after a loss of self-control.
Self-protection to resist undesired impulses for sexual encounters.
Control of compulsive masturbation problems.
To spice up your marriage by surrendering control of your orgasms to your partner.
The feelings and sensations that a man may derive from wearing such a device include:

Maintained focus (fewer sexual distractions)
Self-confidence (no need to be concerned about resisting temptation)
A sense of constant, low-level arousal when you think about your wife or partner holding the key
Fewer arousing dreams during sleep (once you get used to it)
Loss or reduction of arrogance when you've given the key to someone you love
Greater self-discipline and temperament
Greater ability to trust yourself and others
The above is not an all-inclusive list, and certainly not every man will experience all of these feelings and sensations.

If you would like to comment on the above, please write to us at support@lockeduplove.com.

Why would a woman want her man to wear a chastity device?

Not all women take to the idea of having her man locked up in a chastity device, at least not initially. But based on feedback from our customers, the reasons include:

To help restore trust in a relationship when there is suspicion or evidence of extra-marital affairs.
Similarly, women who have been hurt by a former partner's infidelity may want her man to wear one for her own sense of security.
Some women find it very erotic to be able to control their man's orgasm.
A man will try harder to please his woman if there is a chance she will deny him access to the key; consequently he's more attentive and helpful around the home.
As long as he is wearing it, you will never again have to worry about him leaving the toilet seat up.
Generally, when the wife is holding the key and knows that he is locked, she will experience:

a greater sense of security and trust with your man
a sense of control that some women find very erotic
more attention and affection, and fore-play during sex
some women find that they want to dress and behave more sexily to further stimulate their man (teasing and denial), which in-turn stimulates her own sex drive.
The above is not an all-inclusive list, and certainly not every woman will experience all of these feelings and sensations.

If you would like to comment on the above, please contact us at support@lockeduplove.com."

Key Holding

Christmas is Coming!!!!

How to use Stainless steel chastity devices A501... by superbeautifulgirl

Prostate Milking

A D/s definition for you, who asked.

Domination and submission (also known as D&s, Ds or D/s) is a set of psychosexual behaviors, customs and rituals relating to the giving and accepting of dominance of one individual over another in an erotic or lifestyle context.

It is part of the BDSM group of paraphilias.
D/s is often referred to as the "mental" side of BDSM. Physical contact is not a necessity, and can even be conducted anonymously over telephone, email or (more recently) instant messaging services. In other cases it can be intensely physical, sometimes traversing into sadomasochism.

In D/s, one takes pleasure or erotic enjoyment out of either dominating or being dominated. Those who take the superior position are called Dominants, Doms (male) or Dommes (female), while those who take the subordinate position are called subs or submissives.

Submissives generally outnumber Dominants, with male subs outnumbering Dommes by the widest margin, often three to one or more.

D/s relationship styles
There can be any number of partners in a D/s relationship, with one Dominant sometimes having several subs, who may in turn dominate others. Relationships with multiple Dominants and a single submissive are rarer. The most common combination is a single Dominant and submissive couple, often in an ongoing committed relationship.

Romantic love is not necessarily a feature in D/s, partners might be very much in love or have no romantic relationship at all.

Variation in D/s (or BDSM for that matter) is virtually limitless and the activities take many forms, and may include servitude, verbal abuse, erotic humiliation, consensual slavery and sexual slavery and may be combined with other forms of BDSM in myriad combinations.

A classic example of D/s is the Sissymaid, where an adult male dresses in cartoonish female clothing and performs stereotypical female chores such as houscleaning or serving tea.

Some D/s relationships are sexual, others completely chaste.

Fantasy role play can also be a part, with partners taking classic dominant/submissive roles such as teacher/student, police officer/suspect or parent/child. Animal Play, where one partner takes the role of owner/caretaker and the other takes the part of a pet or animal, can also be D/s play.

Being Thankful

This Thanksgiving had me reflecting on the loss of my parents and grandparents. And how the death of the last parent changes a whole family for better or worse.

I have a circle of friends who I am turning towards as my family, just so happens that most of them are subbmissives. I enjoy each and everyone of them in their own special way.

I enjoyed a mani pedi session with a gentleman to get my thanksgiving off to a smooth and soft start. I enjoyed a Vegetarian Thanksgiving meal with one and then we decorated his tree. This Black Friday evening I will attend a concert with a gentleman and his parents & his sister and her boyfriend. I love to watch football and my sports gentleman was not available to me.




I am Thankful for my submissive gentlemen who take such good care of me.

D/s Love

I attended an after party given by a psychiatrist last evening and there were several psychiatrists and psychology professionals in attendance. One told me that I am one of the most extroverted people for my age group. He even said that I am very well adjusted and not jaded by my negative experiences of the world. Psychology professionals are always shrinking peoples head even at a really good party when they are supposed to be relaxing and enjoying themselves.
I started thinking about his statement this morning…”Extroverted for my age group”.Could it be my search to fall in Love just for the fun of it?
Not the kind of love you get from penetration sex. Penetration sex leads to bad choices and uncontrollable feelings. For example:

-the relationship is not for you but you stay because the sex is good.
-the relationship is not what you want it to be but you hope to change it by using the good sex
- the relationship is based on the good sex and that is all

I’m referring to the kind of love that makes you smile just because. It makes no logical since but it’s a wonderful feeling kind of love. You want to give everything that you have to this person.
The kiss on the lips out of the blue, the public display of affection from someone who does not do public displays of affection and the spontaneous little things that are done - to you by someone on purpose - because they know you will receive it as a show of their love towards you.
I admire the submissives ability to let go of all, trust full, give fully and learn from their Dom.
The sub screens their Dom, learns their Dom, submits to their Dom all the while falling deeply and truly in love with their Dom. The submissive knows that their Dom will befriend them, protect them, guide them, and catch them as they fall. As well as stress them, punish them, stretch their limits and teach them new things.

Two Loves: Which one do you choose to hurt?

It is possible to be in a loving relationship and still find yourself having feelings for someone else. This is completely normal and it may just be temporary.

Maybe this other person has done something nice for you or has shown you some kind of interest for one reason or another. This may trigger some emotional feelings towards this person and you may not understand why or how you can stop them.

There may be two people that are so very different from each other but for some reason they both have caught your attention and you like them for separate reasons.

This is possible and you will have to come to terms with which one is going to be
better for you. You must think about your feelings for both people and why you are having these feelings.

How do I determine which one is the right mate for me?

You will have to figure out which person is right for you. This will take a lot of thinking on your part. You will have to figure out what it is you want to have in life. What type of life do you want and which person will be better for you. You will have to spend some time with both of the people so that you can better determine which person you have more of a connection with.

Attraction is the main reason why people want to be together.
You may have some sort of physical or emotional attraction for the other person. When this is the case, you have to dig down deeper and find out if there is another reason why you are so infatuated with this person. You will need to spend time together talking and finding out about one another so that you can better determine who is going to be best for you.

love of a submissive

...a unique sense of comfort and acceptance as he takes the pain that I give.

The feeling that his happiness is as important to me as my own happiness.

[Image is of Gustav Vigeland’s sculpture, Kneeling Man Embracing a Standing Woman. He is holding her bent knees; she looks down at him, with a hand firmly on his head.]

Natural Dominant

"Those just entering the BDSM world will find the abundant usage of both of these words by members of the online community. This is primarily due to the rapid growth of access and the restrained attainability of quality texts to correctly interpret what these words mean within the community itself. Up to a few years ago the BDSM world was a tightly closed and almost secret society. Membership in this society was kept totally private and hidden with significant effort. Entree into the community was by referral and accompaniment only. Protocols or rules of conduct were strict and strongly enforced, not from some control standpoint but because those rules emerged from bitterly hard lessons in survival.

A Dominant is a person with a dominant aspect in their personality.

A Master is a Dominant with significant real life BDSM experience.

They are not the same. It can be fairly said that all Master/Mistress's are Dominant. It cannot be said that all Dominant's have earned the title of Master/Mistress. The Dominant person will range from lightly, moderately and heavily dominant. They may desire to engage in a relationship which is infrequent and strictly limited by rules, boundaries and limitations. These light Dominant's will generally have a very limited desire to have a significant D/s relationship, this is sometimes due to conflicting life events and other times due to being 'barely dominant'.

There is a second group of light Dominant's or persons with a desire to control without the adequate understanding or tools to do so. I sometimes call these person's low level Dominant's. Their range or sphere (their world) is small, they can be poorly educated, relatively low paying jobs, somewhat narrow minded and may be subject to 'dominant bursts', or short term barely or uncontrolled violent outbursts. These low level Dominant's are often abusive and were generally bully's or victims of abuse as children. They may be full of justifications for their 'actions' often assigning 'blame' or directing by means of fear, intimidation or threat of pain. They are often without honor, courage and veracity as individual's and when encountered in the BDSM world should be avoided or not sought out to be in a relationship with.

The moderate Dominant is the most common Dominant and will characteristically be interested in a 'relationship', though often they may not desire a full time relationship when they are fairly new to the community. They tend to have a broader range and more committed style than the light Dominant and the submissive will find them to be more stable. They will tend to be decently educated, interested in their outer world, midrange job. They may tend to control through a blending of thought and the accentuating of traditional type disciplines. They are most likely to have 'sides', wishing and desiring their submissive to 'share' in decision making choices.

The heavy Dominant can be distinguished primarily by a clear, strong and compelling desire to live in a 24/7 relationship with one submissive. This Dominant will generally have been in the community for a long time or be seasoned, will have explored the 'abundance' of many D/s events, meetings, scenes and partners. They can be more tolerant and more strict than any other Dominant. A high percentage of heavy Dominant's will have spent some portion of their BDSM life as a submissive, learning from the inside. These Dominant's often allow few limits and believe that their submissive must trust in them to direct them in a safe, sane manner. They are generally well rounded and quite stable. Holding to simple, firm rules with a strong desire to maintain the health and well-being of their chosen mate.

One of the most significant traits which identifies or distinguishes a member of this community is the basic 'desire to serve for the pleasure of another'. This aspect trait is shared by both Dominant and submissive though manifested in entirely different ways. When 'in scene' the Dominant is 'serving' the needs of the submissive by giving and/or directing that submissive in a manner which is pleasurable to the core being of the submissive. In those terms the Dominant is the giver, the submissive the receiver. In a good or well rounded relationship this flows back and forth between both Dominant and submissive. The submissive is 'giving' obedience and consent to the Dominant, the Dominant is 'giving' direction and control to the submissive.

Additionally you have those who go by the name of Top. This person is generally an individual who enjoys scening from the Top position. S/he may or may not have a strong dominant aspect. Many Top's will openly indicate that they do not consider themselves to be a Dominant, they generally have little desire to be in a controlling position of another person's life. Many see themselves in dual roles and may identify themselves as switches, or having the ability to switch from Top to bottom role. I also need to mention the Sadist here. A Sadist may or may not be a Dominant, in much the same way as a Top. Often a true Sadist will openly identify themselves as a Sadist. They scene because the inflicting of pain upon another being brings them pleasure. In many cases the Sadist has no desire to live in a controlling position over another person. Also the true Sadist is very attuned to 'scene limits', they can and may be a stickler for very precise identification of what is permissible and what is not. In general terms they are not oriented toward 'serving the pleasure' of the person they scene with though often they are very skilled, very intelligent and very careful.

A Dominant may be sadistic and will often have a strong sadistic side which allows them the ability or range to interact with the submissive in an intense sensory stimulation way.



THE MASTER ~ MISTRESS

The Master/Mistress is beyond the last level of the Dominant. They are generally well experienced, often having lived as a full time slave for up to several years as part of their training. This title used to be given within the local communities in a ceremonial way when the individual had earned this title by the estimation of a majority consensus agreement of the Dominant's within that local community. It was considered to be a high honor and carried with it a measure of instant respect by all those so encountering it. In addition there is a further title of Grand Master/Mistress. This title is awarded even more rarely and should you encounter any individual with this title, you should offer extreme respect and understand that this title was awarded for demonstrable and long term consistent actions.

There is a category called the Alpha Dominant. (aka High-Level Dominant) (aka Natural Dominant). This individual appears to have been born Dominant. They often 'emerge' at a young age, (sometimes at puberty), they have natural skills, are highly imaginative and creative, flexible, energetic and intense. They have no need to 'prove' themselves to any other standards or measures. They may have no abuse whatsoever in their background. They are generally highly motivated, precise, detail oriented, aggressive, charming and capable of literally anything.

A few other misconceptions to address. The term 'Lady' is often seen. Lady can be an indicator of both Dominant or submissive. Many Alpha or number one submissives are called 'Ladies'. Usage of this term as it applies to a Dominant Female is somewhat unclear though it 'may' indicate that the Dominant is or has been a switch. I should note that many of the Dominant's are former submissives who carry forth their education and training quite proudly. The term Lord is also commonly seen here and is often used as in 'Lord and Master'. Being called a 'Lord' does not mean that the individual is a Master but appears to be a term of endearment given by the submissive to that Dominant. Sir and Ma'am also fall into the category of endearment honorific title terms. Many Dominant's have no desire to assume the identity of a Master and require their submissives to call them Sir to be used as the reverent title of choice. This also holds true for Ma'am though I should note here that 'Madame' can be interpreted as a slur due to it's association with prostitution.

Also, a submissive is not allowed to address an individual as Master or Mistress unless they are within the collaring process with that Dominant. When wearing the 'collar of consideration' the sub/slave moves within the relationship circle of that Dominant's realm and should then address that Dominant in the manner so indicated by that Dominant's rank or desire. This continues through the 'training collar' stage and becomes permanent in the 'slave collar' stage. Proper protocol and etiquette should be taught to the new submissive/slave to prevent accidental embarrassment of the Dominant in situations where the submissive/slave may encounter other Dominant's, Alpha subs and submissive/slaves.


I was quite properly prompted to write a similar identifying article to the Submissive vs slave one. Also, I just received this safety tip from one of the Member Readers and decided it was important enough to pass along for those interested in this type of play -thank you Jewels!.

I feel the need to make a comment about puppy training. You mentioned that in puppy training the sub may be required to eat dog food. One safety issue here that comes to mind is that most dog food is not suitable for human consumption as much of the meat used comes from rendering plants which do not ask why the animal was brought in (i.e. a large variety of diseased meat may be included with the meat from relatively healthy animals). The only dog food that does not do this as much is Hills Science Diet. The Hills plant actually voluntarily meets standards for human food production. My background in this knowledge comes from my current veterinary school training and a tour of the Hills research plant.

Note: if you are a pet owner, there isn't a worry that your pet may get sick from the food, it is heated prior to final packaging to greatly reduce if not eliminate that problem, but I wouldn't want to risk it in a human."

from Steel Door

Become Real Love

Here, "love" is actually a relational bartering system justified by our self-obsession with presumed entitlement to get needs met we "have a right to", as if a relationship were some egalitarian utopia rather than the mysterious and demanding encounter it is where you really can only expect in proportion to what you contribute, an idea foreign to most who claim to "love".

And for all of you "love rights enthusiasts", before you kill me off here, I'm not advocating for you to be door mats and give unconditionally to an emotionally absent, neglectful Neanderthal a notch up the evolutionary scale from grunting. What I am saying emphatically is that most people don't have a clue about how to love someone and the source of that problem begins and ends with you learning how, not in finding the "right" partner to light you up.
Relationship challenges are often opportunities for you to grow, not just your partner.

You see, we "fall in love" with a personality (a fantasy of who we want someone to be "for us"), but we live with a character (the actual person you hooked up with and sometimes even marry) and the two are quite different. The "love" that gets people together, most often, isn't. Really, it's a shallow, often unconscious vetting of perceived match between "what I need/deserve" and "what they offer" in a utilitarian kind of way although we tell ourselves different. Then, the real work of love begins, a vocation most are less competent at than pointing blame at partner "problems" (code for "why can't they just be more like I want them to be") missing the truth that the real problem is we are clueless about how to love.

Ok, what's the solution? Change your strategy. Real love is not about finding the "right person", it's about becoming the "right person" capable of love. Soul mates are never found, they are created, by designing the conditions inside your relationship for soul mates to happen - by showing up, being fully engaged and present, emotionally available, vulnerable and open to being known and taking risks and contributing to what is important to your partner, not just standing for what you think you are entitled to. Change your question. From what's missing in my partner, to "what's it like to be with me".
Instead of asking your partner to change, consider asking, "who must you become to have what you say you want in your relationship?" Just a thought...

March 2012

subspace

If you are in a dominant/submissive relationship, there is a likelihood that at some point you may encounter subspace as well as sub-drop. Both are terms that are common yet misunderstood. Subspace refers to the place a submissive can soar to when she is in the middle of a scene with her dominant. Sub-drop refers to the coming down from sub-drop. Both can affect a submissive emotionally, mentally and physically.

Subspace can come about from a session in which there is a lot of physical pain involved. It can also come about when there is intense pleasure involved. Subspace can also result from a deeply emotional moment resulting from unresolved feelings that may spring forth in the middle of a BDSM scene.

When a submissive enters subspace, there is a feeling of soaring. It could very well be compared to an out of body experience. She does not usually feel her physical body at this point. What she feels is entirely emotional and spiritual. She feels detached from reality. Changes in the body occur during subspace. A submissive may have a drop in blood pressure. Her breathing will become shallow. It is almost like a semi-conscious state. The soaring can last for several minutes, and then comes what is referred to as sub-drop.

Sub-drop is when a submissive begins to enter back into a fully conscious state of mind after being in subspace. This can be very difficult on a submissive...emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Reality can seem harsh after being in subspace, and a submissive has a longing to remain in subspace where she is soaring without a care. When a submissive enters into sub-drop, there can be an almost violent reaction. She may sob uncontrollably. She may physically fight the feeling that comes over her. Her heart rate will spike back up. She may hyperventilate. Her blood pressure will rise.

It is the responsibility of the dominant to make sure that the submissive returns gently from subspace. This can be done by holding the submissive closely, gently stoking her, whispering to her that she is safe and loved, and that he is not going to leave her. This transition is extremely important on both an emotional as well as a physical level. It is not safe for someone's blood pressure and heart rate to spike and drop quickly within a short period of time. It is also important that the submissive feel safe when she comes back down from subspace.

Casey's first experience with subspace was very scary to her. She had not anticipated it and did not know what was happened to her. At first it was beautiful as she soared outside of herself. But when she came down, it was quick and her reaction was extreme. She began sobbing uncontrollably. She jumped up and ran into the bathroom and locked herself in there. Her dominant was caught totally unaware by what was happening. He had no experience with dealing with subspace or sub-drop, so he was unsure as to what to do. When he got the bathroom door open, he found Casey on the bathroom floor. She was mumbling incoherently, sobbing and hyperventilating. It was a very scary experience for both of them. Fortunately, the outcome was good. His instincts took over and he sat on the floor and cradled her softly until she was okay.

If you are in a BDSM relationship, be prepared to experience subspace and sub-drop. Not every submissive will experience it, but some will. If you are a dominant it is your job to be prepared just in case it happens. It can be a very beautiful experience to share together if you are prepared.

-by Cheryl Williams, Yahoo! Contributor Network

The needs of the submissive.

..... The dominant is the one bossing the other person around; you'd have to be some kind of jerk to want to do that.

While that may seem like it makes sense on the surface, the truth is just the opposite. People who are good at dominating or inflicting pain are, in general, LESS likely than many other people to be jerks or assholes.

Why? Because in order to be good at doing it, you need to be highly in-tune with your submissive. People who are self-centered generally make poor dominants, because they lack the empathy required to be able to read and judge their partner's reactions, and bring their partner where that person wants to go. Assholes quickly find that nobody wants to play with them; and people who are empathic tend not to be assholes. All of the real top-notch dominants I've ever met, without exception, are incredibly cool people.

In tune with your submissive? The dominant is the one calling the shots. What does the dominant care about the submissive?

Believe it or not, the dynamics of a BDSM relationship are often driven by the submissive, not by the dominant. The submissive sets the limits; the submissive decides what places can and can not be explored; the submissive has the ability to call a halt to the scene. The dominant, in many ways, is simply a facilitator. It's the dominant's job to create a setting where the people involved can explore the submissive's fantasies.

(As an aside, it's important to note that these limits can change over time. It may be that something that used to sound like it wouldn't be fun or interesting might in the future tickle your fancy; and that things you enjoy now, you may not necessarily enjoy in the future. People change over time. It's important, when you explore BDSM, to remember that, and to make a habit of talking to your partner about things you like and don't like as those things change.)

Dominating your partners does not mean that you don't want to please them. It is not always, or even usually, true that a dominant is interested in his own gratification rather than his submissive's. In fact, many dominants are driven as much by their desire to please their partner as by anything else; the psychology of a healthy BDSM relationship is driven by the submissive as well as by the dominant, and a dominant can take pleasure from gratifying the needs of the submissive just as easily as the submissive can take pleasure from gratifying the needs of the dominant. This kind of thing is not one-directional.

It's all for the submissive's benefit? Yeah, right. The submissive is the one being bossed around or spanked or whatever. How can you say that isn't abuse?

Simple. Two reasons:

1. In a BDSM relationship, the submissive sets the limits. A victim of abuse doesn't get a vote; the victim can't tell the abuser what to do, or how much to do it. A submissive sets all the limits--what kinds of things can be (and can't be!) done, how much, and for how long.

And while we're on the subject of limits, there is more than one kind of limit in a BDSM relationship. Everybody has "hard" limits--things that they absolutely will not do, and will not even consider. Some people, for example, like to be tied up but don't like the idea of being whipped; if they won't allow themselves to be whipped, ever, that's a hard limit.

There are also "soft" limits--things that someone won't do under ordinary circumstances, but will allow to be "forced" on him or her in the context of a particular scenario that's being acted out. Between soft limits and hard limits lies an interesting psychological territory to explore.

2. A submissive gets a way to opt out. This may be a code word, or a sign of some sort; if the submissive uses it, he or she has had enough and the scene is over. An abuse victim doesn't tell the abuser when to stop.

to answer your question... "I am very D/s"

Some people can only indulge in BDSM "play" if it is kept compartmentalized, away from the rest of their lives, so that they can open up and be vulnerable--and then go on their way.

Others can only open up and allow themselves to be vulnerable when they have an established, trust-filled relationship first.

And then there there's a third group that seems to have no need for boundaries at all.


While casual play/sex and polyandry are more common than not in the lifestyle, there are plenty of individuals who are monogamous, or who only play/have sex with certain people. So don't feel out of place if you think the poly thing isn't for you.

The most important thing is communication. Communicate your desires and your limits with your partner.

You say you're new to this, so I assume you still aren't certain what those desires and limits are. Just give yourself time to feel things out, and go slow. It helps to have a partner that is patient and experienced when you're starting out, because it may take some time for you to really figure out what you're looking for.


Another thing you may want to keep in mind: there is a spectrum between people who are interested in the emotional/psychological aspects of power exchange (D/s) and those who are mainly interested in the physical and sexual aspects.

If you find yourself drifting more towards the D/s side of things, you're going to have a harder time staying satisfied with just casual play. While D/s doesn't require monogamy to work, it does require significant amounts of intimacy, trust, and commitment.

Electric

Underwear featuring a tracking system

By Daily Mail Reporter

Controversial: Critics have said underwear featuring a tracking system is the high-tech equivalent of a chastity belt

Feminists around the world have reacted with horror to a new line of lingerie that comes equipped with a GPS tracking system.

The 'find me if you can' range of underwear has been described as a modern-day, high-tech chastity belt.

'It is outrageous to think that men can buy this, programme it and give it to their partners and then monitor them,' said Claudia Burghart, leader of a Berlin feminist group.

'It is nothing more than a chastity belt for insecure men.'

Lingerie maker Lucia Lorio of Brazil says her design targets the 'modern, techno-savvy woman'.

The lingerie combination set consists of lace bodice, bikini bottom and faux pearl collar, with the GPS device nestled in the see-through part of the bodice next to the waist.

'This collection... is a wink to women and a challenge to men because, even if she gives him the password to her GPS, she can always turn it off,' Lorio said.

'It's not a modern chastity belt. Some men think they can keep tabs on their girlfriends with it, but they're wrong,' she added.

Unconcerned with the controversy her collection has raised, Lorio is also dismissive of the global financial crisis and its adverse impact on luxury items sales.

The GPS lingerie sells from a cool £500, complete with a standard Global Positioning System, to £700 with a more advanced model.

'Some women are now interested in buying it for protection,' she said, programming it for partners themselves so they are safe on a night out alone.

'In London, New York, Rio de Janiero - wherever there is danger, the underwear may prove to be a lifesaver,' she added.

But feminists in her homeland have called her a modern-day slaver and urged women to boycott the GPS underwear.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1082707/Outrage-chastity-belt-lingerie-fitted-GPS-tracking-system.html#ixzz1YF5CDzRt

BDSM’s Dirty Secret – The Real Risk of Kinky Sex

*As kinky folks, most of us have heard of the risks associated with certain
activities we like: rope cuts off circulation, bruises invite suspicion and
speculation, infected wounds or bites just plain suck and breath play can
flat out be deadly... but there's more.*
Kink and Sadomasochism come with a load of risks. The list is long enough
to make your eyes glaze over. But, I'm not here to trot out the usual
suspects. Yes, they're real and no, you shouldn't ignore them, but there's
another set of dangers that often go unmentioned. They are intrinsic to kink
and yet so potentially threatening to some that they do everything within
their power, subconsciously, to avoid them.

That danger inherent in SM is….

Intimacy and human connection.

Yes, intimacy.

Because, at some level, SM demands participants to be true to their desires
and hungers, vulnerabilities and savagery. Fully engaged kink insists on
full presence without pretense and willingness to connect the raw humanity
to another’s raw humanity. The elegant defenses and social rules of
appropriate behavior are built up by civilization and maintained in culture
to insulate ourselves from that dangerous primal state. SM, along with some
sports, is one of the few remaining semi-sanctioned arenas where the raw
emotions and connections are permitted and even celebrated. To engage in
this behavior may lead to a flood of emotions, elation and even risk failure
to achieve connection, with the added danger of feeling genuine loneliness.
It takes guts, skill and personal risk to fly high with another person.

This is a mighty scary proposition to some people.

But there’s a solution for people who can’t bear intimacy or potential
failure. Highly technical scenes with clear standards of tangible procedural
success can minimize the risk of messy emotional authenticity.

Over the years of I’ve been to more than a few dungeon parties – big and
small, public and underground, posh and sleazy. Usually the scenes I see
make me hot, but a few would leave me troubled, cold or deeply sad. Were
they too shocking or taboo for me? No. Were they technically incompetent?
No.

Instead, they were highly technical, well-executed and fascinating to watch.
Multiple floggers fly and spin, wowing the crowd, in a spectacular
choreography of Florentine flogging. Single tails and bull whips snap and
dance stunningly on the skin delivering subtle strokes and deep cuts. Ropes
wrap around limbs suspending flesh in complicated mid-air acrobatic poses.
We gather around for these and other skill intensive scenes to ooh and ahh.
But eventually I’d walk away, wondering why I was suddenly overcome by
sadness. As I step away, people get in line to be the next to bottom, as the
top processes yet another through an exquisite set of maneuvers.

I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not watching two people sharing an
experience, but rather two strangers having separate thrills over one
activity. The top feels satisfaction in displaying competence in a set of
measurable standards (The ropes go on. The person goes up. They come down
and they’re still in one piece), while the bottom gets to have a
self-contained experience delivered by a competent technician. The human
factor of the other person seems irrelevant in either case.

When I see this, it feels like SM is reduced to an amusement park ride, and
people choose if they’re the rider or ride operator. Or maybe it’s the
bungee jump. When I’ve gone bungee jumping, I looked for a service provider
with qualifications and a good reputation. I certainly didn’t expect, nor
want, any raw human connection with the dude strapping me in. I wanted him
out of my head and heart. I wanted a thrill and to be able to talk about it
to my friends. Maybe that’s what some people are seeking in their SM.

Recently someone came to talk to me about the suspension he did. Breathless
with excitement, he talked to me about the thrill of doing it. Never once
did he mention the other person he tied up. There was that sinking feeling
in my heart again.

The more difficult the technique is, the harder it is to establish that
human connection. But the more technical the play is, the easier it is to
visibly ascertain a level of success and external validation. Emotional and
mental states are, by nature, nebulous and not easy to determine success.
There can always be doubts if the other person flew as high as you did, or
if they flew at all. “Was it good for you?”

The greater the technical demand, the further at bay you keep the risk of
intimacy, vulnerability and disappointments. To experience emotional
connection in highly technical scenes is truly challenging. I’ve seen it
done and it’s hot, but their biggest expertise went well beyond the
complicated ties or whips. It was their willingness to be naked to the soul
with the other person. Sadly, the intangible emotional scene success seems
rarely celebrated as we’re distracted by flashy and tangible skill
standards.

Firmly establishing a set rules for play where disconnect is the norm in,
effect lowers the bar, guarantees and redefines success. Super difficult
techniques can protect the players from biggest risk of all in SM –
intimacy.

But if you play hard with nothing more than the most distilled, simple
techniques, with teeth bared, sweaty, breathy and entwined with your partner
as you expose your darkest desires to them, leaving you exhausted and elated
in one another’s arms, congratulations – you are truly a pleasure artist.


by Midori Published: August 15, 2011

To perform CBT safely, there are certain rules.

One must not leave a cock ring on or keep balls tied up for more than twenty minutes at a time or the lack of blood flow can cause the tissue to become necrotic (to die), or could cause permanent vascular damage.

"Do not break one's toys. Do not try to bend an erect penis over backwards or sideways, you can 'break' it.

Limit impact to a stiff penis the spongiform tissue is like a bunch of little blood balloons.

And be careful of what toys and tools you play with, especially when inserting anything into the urethra. You must sterilize tools before using them inside the urethra, and rubbing alcohol is not acceptable. Tools should be cleansed in a solution of diluted bleach to be truly sterilized.

A Little Bit about Me

Your result for The Lover Style Profile Test ...
The Suave Lover

50% partner focus, 52% aggressiveness, 35% adventurousness
Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:

You prefer your romance and love to be traditional rather than daring or out-of-the-ordinary, you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about your performance.

This places you in the Lover Style of: The Suave Lover.

The Suave Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and is reminiscent of some of the most classic lover figures of all time, such as Casanova or Don Juan, or more recently James Bond (several of the "Bond girls" fit this type, too). This shouldn't be confused with a "player" or someone who is solely interested in physical love, but someone who is looking for an incredibly elusive thing: a worthy partner. The Suave Lover is a treasure to find, but can be incredibly difficult to hold on to, once found.

In terms of physical love, the Suave Lover can sometimes be surprisingly tender. Given the right setting, and the right lover, the Suave Lover can be a delight in bed.

Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Devoted Lover (most of all) or the Romantic Lover, or the Liberated Lover.

Wants

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