Become Real Love

Here, "love" is actually a relational bartering system justified by our self-obsession with presumed entitlement to get needs met we "have a right to", as if a relationship were some egalitarian utopia rather than the mysterious and demanding encounter it is where you really can only expect in proportion to what you contribute, an idea foreign to most who claim to "love".

And for all of you "love rights enthusiasts", before you kill me off here, I'm not advocating for you to be door mats and give unconditionally to an emotionally absent, neglectful Neanderthal a notch up the evolutionary scale from grunting. What I am saying emphatically is that most people don't have a clue about how to love someone and the source of that problem begins and ends with you learning how, not in finding the "right" partner to light you up.
Relationship challenges are often opportunities for you to grow, not just your partner.

You see, we "fall in love" with a personality (a fantasy of who we want someone to be "for us"), but we live with a character (the actual person you hooked up with and sometimes even marry) and the two are quite different. The "love" that gets people together, most often, isn't. Really, it's a shallow, often unconscious vetting of perceived match between "what I need/deserve" and "what they offer" in a utilitarian kind of way although we tell ourselves different. Then, the real work of love begins, a vocation most are less competent at than pointing blame at partner "problems" (code for "why can't they just be more like I want them to be") missing the truth that the real problem is we are clueless about how to love.

Ok, what's the solution? Change your strategy. Real love is not about finding the "right person", it's about becoming the "right person" capable of love. Soul mates are never found, they are created, by designing the conditions inside your relationship for soul mates to happen - by showing up, being fully engaged and present, emotionally available, vulnerable and open to being known and taking risks and contributing to what is important to your partner, not just standing for what you think you are entitled to. Change your question. From what's missing in my partner, to "what's it like to be with me".
Instead of asking your partner to change, consider asking, "who must you become to have what you say you want in your relationship?" Just a thought...